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Transcript: Season 3 Episode 11: Predator and Prey

A Knight of Shreds and Patches Transcript

Season 3 Episode 11: Predator and Prey

Transcript by Cameron Robertson

Intro:[hurdy gurdy music begins]

Nick: Welcome, listeners, to A Knight of Shreds and Patches. An immersive actual play podcast. This episode features the talents of –

Penn: Penn Van Batavia as Marathon Messenger and Gwendolyn Rozenthall.

Kit: Kit Adames as Birdie Foundling and Vaus Foundling.

Cameron: Cameron Robertson as Emma Blackwood and Janus Foundling.

Sydney: Sydney Whittington as Cassidy Shard and Winifred Foundling.

Nick: Nick Robertson as GM and Narrator.

Sydney: Hello listeners, this is your editor, Sydney, with today’s messages:

Happy Pride from our queer cast & characters! We hope everyone’s taking some joy in being proud about who you are, and enjoying all the rainbow motifs. If you want another one, we’ve got our Pride Knight design up on our Teepublic page, which you can get on a shirt, a mug, a phone case, or all kinds of other ways to show off your fandom. Better still, all proceeds from this design will be matched and donated to The Trevor Project. 

And if you do want some more queer content, consider backing our Patreon, which gives you access to bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards, like listening to us all agree that [happy sigh] women 🏳‍🌈.

And with that, we wrap up today’s announcements and head into Season 3, Episode 11: Predator and Prey. And so…

“Join us, for now our tale to yours attaches

To carry hope: a Knight of Shreds and Patches.”

[hurdy gurdy music ends]

[electronic beeping]

[robotic powerup noise begins]

Distorted Robotic Voice: Power restored. Systems online. Reconfiguring audio connection.[robotic powerup noise fades to radio frequency static]

[over radio]

Penn (as Marathon): Last time on a Knight of Shreds and Patches, Winifred gave us the low down on this Abundance Gala that we’re just arriving at. Apparently the goal is to charm people, especially this Councilperson Opal, who Janus and Winifred have grand plans for. I mean it sounds pretty easy to me and one of the perks of this specific mission is we get to arrive stylin’ and profilin’. I mean I get to wear a peacock inspired iridescent green suit, Miss Cassidy lookin’ sharp as the razor claws of a velociraptor in her own dinosaur themed dress, Emma’s got a tentacle hold on fashion week with her octopus inspired dress, and Birdie is flyin’ circles around everybody at this gala with her beautiful moth inspired outfit. Janus is joining us for the time being in a killer swan situation and we’re also meeting Winifred there who is in the sexiest little orca getup that I think I’ve ever seen. I did not think that they could make fish look so god damn hot! Oh my god! Like [wolf whistle] Oh my - and well, I don’t know how Miss Cassidy would feel about that. Maybe tell Miss Cassidy? Maybe don’t tell Miss Cassi- you know what? I’m not a sister fucker like Birdie, so I’m just going to avoid that topic entirely. But as we started to get settled we found our target, Councilperson Opal and uh just as we were about to get mingling, Gwendolyn Rozenthall, the First Sword of Sasnak - some fancy tin can, that’s the term Birdie uses - started off the event in a very intimidating looking reindeer kinda armor-y looking situation. Like antlers coming off her spine, I mean that’s… metal? Scary? And cool as hell. I dunno. But uh, I’m just blushing being around all these amazing women, so uh don’t mind me gushing over here while we get this party started! Here come some hors d'oeuvres - is that pineapple AND shrimp? Waiter! Let me get a taste of that!

[radio static]

Episode Start:

Nick: The Patina descends the stairs into the masquerade ball. With Gwendolyn's declaration that the gathering was officially underway, a string quintet strikes up a lively tune and the dance floor quickly fills with party goers all dressed in animal garb and masks. The mirror polished floor reflects the chandeliers above and you all get a feel for what this party looks like as social groups start to develop. Councilor Opal, the Patina's main target, is holding court at her spot at the high table. Other members of the council have gotten up from their seats to collect food or exchange pleasantries with other members of the party. There's a long table filled with opulent food along one of the walls near the exit out onto the balcony that overlooks the view of this luxury dome and people are cycling by grabbing snacks, grabbing drinks, and generally chatting. Gwendolyn quickly descends from the podium and heads towards a far corner of the ballroom as well, looking uncomfortable and keeping most that approach her at bay with an angry glare. Some still follow her asking questions, but she brushes them off trying to keep an area of quiet around her. There are groups of rich looking individuals gossiping about various things going on in Sasnak. There are servers and waitstaff walking around with trays of hors d'oeuvres in addition to the snack table.

Penn (as Marathon): So are we - looks like we probably don't want to approach four people all at once to Opal, especially right now. So split up? Stick together? What y'all thinking?

Penn: Marathon's got her hands on her hips.

Sydney (as Cassidy): I'm gonna go find some food and maybe a drink.

Cameron (as Emma): Are you going to try to talk to Gwen?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Eh~ we'll see if the crowd thins out enough. It's probably easier here than anything any other time.

Kit (as Birdie): It might be good to sort of get our bearings and not immediately start on business too, because it might look suspicious for four people to enter and then immediately split up and go straight to two very high up people within Sasnak society.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Well, Winifred told us it's our job to enjoy the party. So

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.

Penn (as Marathon): I just - I can't shake the feeling I'm like, like, this is gonna be hard, right? Like something about this has gotta be hard.

Kit (as Birdie): Well.

Cameron: Janus raises her hand ever so slightly.

Cameron (as Janus): I believe that's my part.

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, it's hard for everyone but us.

Cameron (as Janus): Birdie has a very good point, so you should definitely listen to her. She's very, very smart.

Kit (as Birdie): Aw~.

Cameron (as Janus): Um, yeah, watch Opal. Eventually, her lackeys will get hungry or something and wander off. [laugh] If you want to talk to the First Sword - good luck. She looks sharp. I'm going to go see some of the book club ladies to make myself known and get compliments on my outfit.

Cameron: She strikes a pose.

Penn (as Marathon): Mm. Beautiful.

Cameron (as Janus): Thank you. And I will see you all later. Have a lovely evening. Try not to get in trouble. Make good choices.

Kit (as Birdie): We'll try. You do look beautiful, Janus.

Cameron (as Janus): Thank you.

Kit: And she'll give her sister a hug.

Cameron (as Janus): Watch the wings.

Kit (as Birdie): Yep. Yep.

Cameron (as Janus): They've got some pins in them. They're a little bit sharp.

Kit (as Birdie): Well, it's good for warding off uh, people getting too close.

Cameron (as Janus): That is true. [laugh]

Sydney (as Cassidy): Makes the dances, yeah, a little bit more thrilling.

Kit (as Birdie): Mhm. An aspect of danger.

Cameron (as Janus): [laughing] People will probably move out of my way as I walk towards them.

Kit (as Birdie): Exactly.

Cameron (as Janus): I'd be lying if that wasn't part of the appeal. But have a lovely evening.

Kit (as Birdie): You got it.

Cameron (as Janus): Goodbye~.

Penn (as Marathon): Have a nice night.

Cameron: And Janus wanders off into the crowd like a very large fish walking amongst people as they all have to go around her.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Alright, I'm gonna go find food and drink. If anyone wants to join me you can.

Penn (as Marathon): Would you like to be joined?

Kit (as Birdie): Oh I'm sure she'd love to be joined by you, Marathon.

Sydney (as Cassidy): You are the one to decide that.

Kit (as Birdie): [laughing]

Sydney: And Cassidy turns and walks away, clearly impatient with the amount of people that are around that are no longer escapable.

Penn (as Marathon): [sucks teeth] Mm.

Cameron (as Emma): You should probably chase her.

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah Marathon.

Penn (as Marathon): Yeah. Good plan. Good plan. Okay.

Cameron (as Emma): Make sure she - make sure she didn't piss anybody off.

Penn (as Marathon): Yeah, I'll be a people shield, don't worry.

Cameron (as Emma): Yeah. Yeah.

Penn (as Marathon): Yeah. Cassidy wrangler.

Cameron (as Emma): Must protect the Cassidy.

Penn (as Marathon): Yes.

Nick: Marathon as you start to head after Cassidy and try to keep her in sight with the ever shifting crowd, can you please roll me a hard Perception check with a blue die for reasons unknown.

Penn: I'm rolling three greens, three purples because it's a hard check and a blue die.

[dice rolling]

Penn: An advantage.

Nick: With that advantage, you are able to catch up to Cassidy quickly and the two of you are able to move as a pair towards the snack table and you don't notice anything and it's fine.

Penn (as Marathon): Oh, Cassidy. Ah, I'm here to here to people shield. Let's get some shrimp.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Perfect.

Sydney: Cassidy grabs a plate and begins making her way down the buffet grabbing one of each of the hors d'oeuvres that looks especially tasty. And then slips a flute of champagne off of passing waitstaff.

Nick: All right, Janus has headed away leaving Emma and Birdie still standing sort of at the head of the room.

Kit (as Birdie): Would you think that capturing Opal's attention sooner rather than later might do us better? Or should we wait? Because I think the things that happen in the middle of a party are pretty easy to forget, but if you snag them early or right before they leave, you might have a chance of getting more out of her I guess. So

Cameron (as Emma): Yeah. With the number of people around her right now, our best bet may be to lurk nearby and then when those people finish having taken advantage of her attention immediately at the start of the party and start to break away, then maybe we can swoop in?

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, like maybe maybe if we keep a close enough eye on her we can like rescue her from like an annoying interaction or something like that and win her favor something.

Cameron (as Emma): Ooh yeah, save the day.

Kit (as Birdie): Mhm.

Cameron (as Emma): I like that. Good idea. So while we're lurking, do you want to go look at people's outfits?

Kit (as Birdie): People watch? Always.

Cameron (as Emma): Yeah.

Kit (as Birdie): Let's go get some champagne first, though, because it looks very expensive.

Cameron (as Emma): Ooh yes. And then we'll be even fancier.

Kit (as Birdie): Exactly.

Kit: Birdie will link arms with Emma as best she can, given that their costumes that are both very extravagant, and go to the nearest waitstaff with a tray of champagne flutes.

Nick: You are quickly able to secure some champagne. The waitstaff are consummate professionals - they seem to appear at will before you even realize what you want and you quickly are able to grab drinks. Emma as you reach for a champagne flute, you brush hands with a tall gentleman. He has broad shoulders and is wearing a classical tuxedo covered in what looks to be iridescent fish scales and is wearing a partially translucent mask that reflects the light of the chandeliers in really interesting fractal rainbow patterns. And as he smiles at you gesturing for you to take the champagne flute and that he will wait for the next one, you see that he has a strong jawline with just a hint of five o'clock shadow and straight white perfect teeth.

Cameron: Emma nods gracefully while taking the champagne.

Nick (as Rye): My apologies. I didn't see you reaching for one. There's just so many people here who need to drink to get through a party you know?

Cameron (as Emma): Well that's fine. Camouflage is kind of my thing.


Nick (as Rye): Oh.

Cameron (as Emma): [overlapping] It's funny because I'm an octopus.

Nick (as Rye): [overlapping] Oh I get it. It's an octopus joke.

Cameron (as Emma): Yeah.

Nick (as Rye): I was just so worried about becoming prey, you see, being a uh, a fish.

Cameron (as Emma): Wise. Wise.

Nick (as Rye): Yeah. I um, I'm sorry. I don't do super well at these events. My aunt makes me attend these, unfortunately. My name is Rye. Nice to meet you.

Cameron (as Emma): Emma.

Cameron: Emma holds out her hand daintily.

Nick: He looked like he was going for a handshake and then seeing you stick to more classical manners he grasps your hand firmly but gently and leans over it respectfully. He does not kiss it or anything - he is being very respectful.

Nick (as Rye): So what brings you to this to party? You have relatives who force you to go for appearances as well?

Cameron (as Emma): Friends actually.

Cameron: And Emma swings Birdie around since they're still connected at the elbow.

Kit: Birdies mid drink of champagne and goes

Kit (as Birdie): [oomph] Hi.

Nick (as Rye): Oh, hi, I, I'm sorry. I was so dazzled by your octopus friend I didn't notice you there. How rude of me. My name is Rye.

Nick: And he offers a hand.

Kit: Birdie gives a firm handshake, and will then pat Emma's bicep and smile.

Kit (as Birdie): You know, I would be absolutely dazzled by my very lovely octopus friend as well. You know, I think I'm gonna go get some food actually. Do you - you'll get it if you want it.

Kit: And she's just going to sneakily try to make her exit from the twos conversation.

Cameron: Emma while facing Birdie and still making eye contact, does an incredibly obvious eye roll, and then turns to look back at Rye.

Kit: Birdie smiles so big and then will go and fill her plate with a lot of cheese.

Nick (as Rye): Wow. She really disappears into a crowd quickly, huh?

Cameron (as Emma): [annoyed at being ditched] It's because she's so short.

Nick (as Rye): Oh, I mean, that's part of it, but the way she moves, and I think she was quite subtle with forcing you to have a conversation with me that you're not super interested in. Feel free to excuse yourself at any point. I'm enjoying the conversation, but I would hate to impose.

Cameron (as Emma): I have no other grand plans, so I -

Nick (as Rye): Well,

Cameron (as Emma): - I hope you enjoy these events, even though you're here under force.

Nick (as Rye): Force is a strong word, it's more [sigh] - it's less painful to attend than to deal with the snide remarks afterwards. And at least I found somebody who speaks honestly, it's better than my normal activity of standing morosely in the corner waiting to see how early I can escape. Would you maybe care to dance, you know, to kill the time?

Nick: You can see under the mask, he is actually blushing just a little bit - slightly awkward about asking.

Cameron (as Emma): Sure.

Cameron: Emma looks over both shoulders, and then magically a waiter appears with a tray that she can set her glass down on.

Nick: Rye grabs a glass off of the tray, drinks it, quickly sets it back down and offers an arm to lead you to the dance floor as a quick ballroom piece begins to play - one that you are surprised to realize you know the steps to already. As Emma and Rye head to the dance floor we see Winifred where we last saw her speaking with a well involved merchant and a group of hangers on. Everyone utterly basking in her presence.

Sydney (as Winifred): Now a lady doesn't kiss and tell, but if you would like to experience firsthand, I can come by some time.

Nick (as fawning noble): Um [clears throat] I would of course love to continue our conversation about uh, trade negotiations like we were speaking of earlier, if you're interested in -

Sydney (as Winifred): Oh I'm sure it will be equitable.

Nick: The other people standing around all chuckle and then find other places to be as the woman Winifred is flirting with blushes, bright red.

Nick (as Flustered Woman): Yes, I would like that very much. How about later tonight?

Sydney (as Winifred): Sounds perfect. Would you like a dance in the meantime?

Nick (as Flustered Woman): Yeah, I think I think that would be good. Yeah. [clears throat] Yeah, let's let's go dance.

Sydney: Winifred runs a finger up her neck and under her chin before pointing towards the dance floor and going

Sydney (as Winifred): Alright.

Sydney: And leads this quite enamored merchant out into the ballroom with her own practiced steps.

Nick: She gives a high pitched giggle before grabbing your hand and allowing herself to be led on. Marathon and Cassidy you have made your way to the end of the buffet just as Birdie appears at an elbow also with a plate full of food. She seems to have negotiated the crowd expertly.

Penn (as Marathon): Oh, what's up? What you got - cheese?

Kit (as Birdie): Mhmm.

Kit: She has her mouthful.

Penn (as Marathon): Cassidy Birdie joined us over at the food.

Kit (as Birdie): [giggle]

Sydney (as Cassidy): All right. Yeah, I'm trying to enjoy my food in silence before I'm forced to talk more.

Penn (as Marathon): Oh, sure. Yeah.

Sydney (as Cassidy): You'd think the giant dinosaur head that I have on would scare people away but like, I dunno, it's too shiny. Catches everyone's eyes.

Penn (as Marathon): Don't worry. I'm -

Nick (as fawning noble): Excuse me, ma'am. I like your dinosaur head. Would you like to dance?

Penn (as Marathon): Shut up! Go away! Nah skit skit.

Nick (as fawning noble): [concerned Ahh]

Penn (as Marathon): So yeah, I got you miss Cassidy.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Thank you Marathon.

Kit: Birdie swallows and will go

Kit (as Birdie): Well Emma is wearing a giant octopus costume and is talking to some really rich and important looking guy.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Sounds like she's accomplishing our goal.

Penn (as Marathon): Yeah, Emma's got it.

Nick: Speaking of which, Emma, can you please roll me a average Coordination check with a blue die because you know this dance?

Cameron: Sure. I'm going to flip a Story Point so that I look cool while I do this, which makes my dice pool a yellow, a green, a blue and two purples.

[dice rolling]

Cameron: A success and two advantages.

Nick: Nice. So you are able to comfortably keep up with Rye's lead and you do it with style. What do the other members of the Patina see as they look over to the dance floor and you are dancing away with this mysterious handsome stranger?

Cameron: So the dance that they are doing involves a lot of spins and while Emma's outfit being rather bulky in the skirt we'll say, it's a lot of fabric happening - whenever Rye goes to spin her she's got a spin out fairly far so that her dress doesn't like take him out at the knees. But whenever she spins, the bottom of her dress flares out to reveal hidden pleats in a slightly lighter purple color than the dark purple - kind of like how some octopuses have the webs between their arms, and there's glitter and rhinestones on those pleats and it's just it's very sparkly. She looks like she's surprised that she remembers how to do this dance. The Patina is probably the only ones who recognize that surprise on her face because no one else can see most of her face but they know her well enough to figure it out. But they're a very lovely predator and prey doing this dance. Very sparkly.

Penn (as Marathon): Dang. Emma can dance?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, she looks like she's having fun. She looks maybe surprised that she's having fun.

Kit (as Birdie): Emma can do literally everything.

Penn (as Marathon): Emma has fun?

Kit (as Birdie): Marathon! [laugh]

Penn (as Marathon): I - you know, that was, that was a rib, but it's not a rib because she's not here so

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah you got to say it to her face.

Penn (as Marathon): Yeah.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Go dance next, try and slip in there with fancy rich guy.

Penn (as Marathon): Uh~ I don't know if he can keep up.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Well go dance with Emma and steal her away from fantasy rich guy.

Penn (as Marathon): Well Emma looks like she can obviously keep up, but I don't know who's gonna who's gonna shield you from from these these dinosaur interested suitors Miss Cassidy?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Well I might go try and get Gwendolyn, again if this group of people ever thins out, it looks like she's just throwing death stares.

Nick (as fawning partygoer): [simpish rich voice] Excuse me. I just adore your brontosa-

Penn (as Marathon): Shut up! Skit! Out of here! Out of here! She doesn't want to talk to you.

Nick (as fawning partygoer): Well I just want to tell that lady how -

Penn (as Marathon): Nah. Nope.

Nick (as fawning partygoer): - pretty the -

Penn (as Marathon): You're out. Three strikes.

Sydney (as Cassidy): It's not a brontosaurus.

Penn (as Marathon): That was strike three.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Sorry~.

Nick (as fawning partygoer): How rude.

Penn (as Marathon): Skit! That's right. Walk back.

Kit: Birdie's trying not to laugh while putting more food in her mouth so that she has more reason to not make more of a scene. [laugh]

Penn (as Marathon): This kind of fun. I will be honest.

Nick (as Carbon): [most surfer bro voice imaginable] I thought I'd recognize that crowd work anywhere. Is that little Birdie Foundling?

Penn (as Marathon): She doesn't - Oh, it's for Birdie.

Nick (as Carbon): Holy shit. It's been so long.

Kit: Birdie is about to go to put more food in her mouth to keep herself from laughing when she sees this new person approaching their group. And it takes her a second, but she goes slack jawed, and will go,

Kit (as Birdie): Carbon? Oh. [laugh]

Nick (as Carbon): Yeah! I can't believe you recognize me with a mask on.

Nick: He's wearing an X bike helmet that's painted to look like an alligator head with the visor replaced with an alligator snout and he pushes that up to move the snout out of the way and you see Carbon's baby blue eyes and round cheeks through the opening in the helmet.

Kit: Birdie will roll her eyes a little and say,

Kit (as Birdie): You just got a real recognizable voice, Carbon. Couldn't mistake you for anyone else.

Nick (as Carbon): Yeah, well uh, I'm glad that you still remember me. Everyone else in this town knows me because I'm super famous now.

Kit (as Birdie): Really?

Nick (as Carbon): Uh, I thought you were dead. I thought you died with Zan.

Penn (as Marathon): Ooh uh, that might be a sore subject.

Nick (as Carbon): Oh it's a sore subject for me too. Zan was my best friend. If I can't talk about them dying, I don't know who else can, am I right?

Nick: And Carbon starts to raise their hand for a high five, realizes this is absolutely not the time to do that and brings their hand back down but does not look embarrassed.

Kit (as Birdie): No, it's It's fine. Yeah no, you guys were really close and yeah. Uh well, I didn't die.

Nick (as Carbon): That's good!

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, yeah, just took some time off, took some time away from uh, Sasnak and decided to see the world and stuff, but glad to see that you've uh, made it so far up the - you're X biking still, I'm assuming?

Nick (as Carbon): Yeah, that's why I'm in the uniform right? Like people probably wouldn't even recognize me in civilian clothes. I'm actually, you probably already know - everybody knows, but I'm actually current reigning X Bike Champion. Opal Corp's been my sponsor for a couple of seasons, been real good to me.

Kit: Birdie is nodding a little bit sarcastically in a way that Marathon and Cassidy would recognize is a little insincere, but probably not Carbon, but perks up at the mention of Opal.

Kit (as Birdie): Really? Opal Corp - that's really amazing. Can you tell me some more about that, like, how that's going for you? That's a really big sponsor to have.

Kit: And she'll start to lead Carbon away from Cassidy and Marathon to try and keep Cassidy's peace.

Nick: Carbon is calling over a shoulder to Marathon and Cassidy.

Nick (as Carbon): Hey, next time you've got Birdie somewhere where she's willing to talk, ask her about the pudding incident. It's hilarious.

Penn (as Marathon): Wi-will do, brother.

Nick (as Carbon): Yeah!

Kit: Birdie turns around and shakes her head vigorously before Carbon can turn back around and see her.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Well looks like Birdie's famous. Even with a mask on.

Penn (as Marathon): Well, looks like her friend is famous - Carbon the X Bike Champion.

Cameron (as dinosaur appreciator): Oh, excuse me.

Penn (as Marathon): Oh-

Cameron (as dinosaur appreciator): I just wanted to say I love your feathers.

Penn (as Marathon): Oh?

Penn: Marathon looks at Cassidy trying to read what she's feeling.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Thanks, they're metal.

Cameron (as dinosaur appreciator): I know that's why I was compliment- they're - love the idea. Have a great night.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Thank you. You too.

Penn (as Marathon): Hey~, nice job.

Sydney: Cassidy swings her dinosaur mask over to point it at Marathon.

Penn (as Marathon): Oh, yeah?

Sydney: And sighs.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Okay, I'm - it maybe the crowd is thinner. I'm gonna go try and sneak through. Can you sneak while you're this shiny? [sighs in shiny]

Penn (as Marathon): Hey, you go on ahead, Miss Cassidy. I'll watch out behind you to make sure these unsavory suitors don't chase after you. [laugh]

Sydney (as Cassidy): Thank you Marathon.

Penn (as Marathon): Yeah, of course.

Sydney: And Cassidy starts making her way towards Gwendolyn. And about four steps in is swept off her feet into the dance floor by Winifred.

Sydney (as Winifred): Well, before I go off to go do things and that noble woman, I needed to grab you for a dance. You look wonderful tonight.

Sydney: And Cassidy is a little thrown off by the direction that that comment went.

Sydney (as Cassidy): You're already being successful. Congrats.

Sydney (as Winifred): I'm just making sure that I'm getting my - not money's worth, but night’s entertainment out of this party and any after events. Come. You have to enjoy yourself as well. At least out here you're not talking to everyone.

Sydney: And Winifred who is leading the dance goes to spin her out. She is leading confidently enough that even Cassidy not knowing the steps maybe would have a chance to follow but she is also not giving Cassidy a lot of time to come to terms with that she was walking and now she is dancing.

Nick: Cassidy please roll me a Coordination check, average difficulty to see how well you're able to keep up with Winifred's expert dancing technique.

Sydney: I am rolling two yellows, three greens and two purples.

[dice rolling]

Sydney: That is a triumph with no success and two advantages.

Nick: Hmm. Okay, so the triumph, I think that you are able to do something very advantageous for the mission and the reason you're here. And the advantages are that Winifred recognizes what you are doing, but you are not successful at dancing well with Winifred. So what does that look like?

Sydney: So I think this dance is one of the very choreographed like there is a set of standard moves. Winifred was trying to guide Cassidy through the standard moves. Cassidy did not do a good job of paying attention to the other dancers and was only paying attention to Winifred and so missed the context of what they were doing. And so rather than doing the choreographed dance, it ended up that they started doing a much flashier dance than was intended. So it looks good, people are appreciative, a space clears around them, but it draws a lot of attention. Winifred is perfectly happy with this amount of attention and so doesn't dissuade Cassidy or correct Cassidy from this assumption and enjoys watching how focused Cassidy is on Winifred's leading. But as the song nears its end, Cassidy looks around to see that she was not dancing the same dance that everyone else was, and that potentially gives her a bit of notoriety this evening as someone who is willing to buck the trends and do a little bit of individual showing off on the dance floor. Her talon boots also have a distinctive metal clicking sound as she goes through the rapid steps and spins and twirls and dip. As Cassidy comes to a slightly breathless stop in Winifred's arms, Winifred gives a little bit of a smirk and goes,

Sydney (as Winifred): Oh, that was really good showing off. I enjoyed the dance. Did you realize that this was a standard ballroom dance?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, by the end, but then it was too late.

Sydney: And Cassidy stands up looking a little bit awkward suddenly as the dance ends, and the triumph is that now that the dance has ended, a lot of the hangers on that had been floating around the edges of the bubble of hostility, the bubble of disaffection that Gwendolyn was emanating, have now left the bubble and potentially opened a gap for Cassidy to get to her with the trade that they are moving towards Cassidy to try and get a dance. And Winifred gives Cassidy a cheek kiss just off of the cheek to avoid smudging either of their makeups and also because there's a dinosaur mask in the way and goes

Sydney (as Winifred): Well, I enjoyed this dance. May you find some peace sometime tonight.

Sydney: And disappears off into the crowd to pursue her next quarry. So Cassidy throws a glance around the dance floor and the corner of the ballroom seeing maybe a path to Gwendolyn, and none of her other party members, none of the other Patina members and the departing form of Winifred. So Cassidy seeing the horde of mostly noble men moving towards her even though she had been dancing with Winifred - that's not a dissuasion from them. She resolves to try and slip around them, getting lost in the crowd of people who are taller than her even if she is wearing a shiny metal feather dress.

Nick: Yeah, so go ahead and make me a average Stealth check, but with two black die - one because you are wearing a dinosaur dress and the other because this group of people can see you and is moving towards you directly.

Sydney: Well, conveniently, I have a Knack For It for Stealth, so I remove those two black die and then I'm rolling one yellow and four greens against two purple.

[dice rolling]

Sydney: And this time it is a triumph and four successes.

Nick: Cassidy vanishes into the crowd leaving a group of admirers frantically searching the dance floor to no avail. Marathon you've been left alone by the refreshment table as you hear someone call out to you.

Nick (as Barnabas): Is that Murder Messenger?

Penn (as Marathon): Ah, shit! Dirt.

Penn: Marathon covers her face with half her hand.

Nick (as Barnabas): That's wild. You could just tell from like the set of your shoulders. You're the best blocker that Tree All's ever seen, over here just in our little corner of the world, that's wild!

Nick: And you turn around to see someone dressed as basically a full bright pink, cartoony barnyard pig. His mask doesn't cover his face; his face is just sticking out of the pigs mouth. And you can see a long curly tail hanging down behind him as he comes over holding a plate full of unsliced apples. Just a plate of apples.

Nick (as Barnabas): Would you uh, would you sign my apple?

Penn (as Marathon): You don't you don't want something a little more permanent? Or?

Nick (as Barnabas): Oh, well. I'd also love if you signed my special copy of Snow Bunny,

Penn (as Marathon): Ohh.

Nick (as Barnabas): - but I figured we'd start with the apple and then work through the merch.

Penn (as Marathon): Yep. Yeah, okay. Well, it's nice to meet you....

Penn: She holds her hand out.

Nick (as Barnabas): Oh, I'm a Barnabas. I'm the son of Counselor Barnabas, so I guess I'm really Barnabus the Second, but yeah it's great to meet you.

Nick: He holds out a clearly sweaty hand,

Penn: Marathon is not afraid of sweat - goes for a strong handshake.

Nick: His hand is weak and limp and clammy and it is unpleasant, but you can tell that you have made his day by shaking his hand, and he holds out a felt tip marker and an apple. And then after you grab those, he reaches around behind him to pull a bag off of his back, and he's got a pile of merch in there.

Penn: As Marathon finishes signing the apple, she sees the merch.

Penn (as Marathon): You just carry that with you? Or...

Nick (as Barnabas): I - well -

Penn (as Marathon): I mean, I'm honored. I appreciate - I'm flattered.

Nick (as Barnabas): I don't really want to admi- so my my dad Barnabas Senior, he interacts with the Ramp Girls a lot and uh,

Penn (as Marathon): Ahh.

Nick (as Barnabas): - he may have heard that a certain minor celebrity was in town.

Penn (as Marathon): Ohh~.

Nick (as Barnabas): It's ridiculous that you're a "minor celebrity" but he let me know and so I've just been carrying it hoping I would run into you.

Penn (as Marathon): You know, I appreciate that. I'm glad I'm glad you think so highly. You know, I was pretty good blocker back back in the day. I'm happy to sign anything ya got and you said you're Councilman Barnabas' son?

Nick (as Barnabas): Yeah. Counselor Barnabas - we do some trade in this and that, you know - we don't have a lot of exclusive contracts but we've got a lot of land holdings in some of the minor domes, parts of the Stacks, little bit of the Eaves.

Penn (as Marathon): Oh you've got my first Snow Bunnies here! Oh my god. That's a throwback.

Nick (as Barnabas): Yeah, this is before you got all those those scars from the later issues. This is pretty early season so

Penn (as Marathon): I like to think the scars made me hotter, but

Nick (as Barnabas): Oh they really did, that's this issue.

Nick: And he holds up a much more well worn Snow Bunny issue as well.

Penn (as Marathon): Ah~ that's that's classic Mary - well it's un Marathon Messenger. No worries. I know you - I know you don't mean anything by it. I know a lot of people know me as Murder, but preferring to move past that for now.

Nick (as Barnabas): Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry. Yeah, I was just - got so excited I called you by your real name. I didn't mean to - if you're doing doing something else. Hey uh, what does it feel like to break bones? Like I've always wondered like you'd slam into people like end careers and like that's got to be the coolest feeling to like make somebody not be able to be a professional athlete anymore.

Penn: Marathon is holding back a grimace.

Penn (as Marathon): Um, you know, it - you get a rush in the moment and then you know, I don't want to spoil it for you. But I let's talk about you Barnabas. I'm very interested. Are you - is it- are you talking with - we've been following this whole "situation" -

Penn: Marathon put situation in quotation marks.

Penn (as Marathon): - with a council person Opal. Wondering if you had any juicy deets or maybe even a connection.

Nick (as Barnabas): Oh no, we everybody hates Counselor Opal. She's really like too powerful.

Penn (as Marathon): Dirt.

Nick (as Barnabas): I hear that a lot of people disappear who make her mad or even tried to talk to her without an invitation. In fact, this is this is some the hot goss, if you're looking for hot goss - I hear she just offed Counselor Wander in a private session, like totally legal - it was overseen by Gwendolyn, but like she killed her biggest competitor. It was crazy.

Penn (as Marathon): That'd be pretty intense.

Nick (as Barnabas): Oh, hey, could you make this one out to "the hardest block I ever made, Barney Jr."? That'd be great.

Penn (as Marathon): Um, yes, I can do that,

Nick (as Barnabas): Awesome.

Penn (as Marathon): Barney.

Nick (as Barnabas): Yeah, she totally offed him. It was it was pretty unexpected, even from her. Yeah, if you could just like, don't sign over the cleavage, but like near the cleavage?

Penn (as Marathon): Yep.

Nick (as Barnabas): I think that'd be pretty cool.

Penn (as Marathon): Nope I - I know the sweet spot. Don't worry. Yep.

Nick (as Barnabas): Oh, yeah, I bet you do. I bet you do.

Penn (as Marathon): Yup. Thank you, Barney. It was a pleasure to meet you and um -

Nick (as Barnabas): Yeah, let me go get my other bag of merch. My manservants holding outside.

Penn (as Marathon): [tired] Oh

Nick (as Barnabas): I'll be back in just a minute. We got to get into the later years, you know?

Penn (as Marathon): Yeah - of coursed.

Nick (as Barnabas): I've got some of your radio station stuff as well.

Penn (as Marathon): Oh, sick because that was a great time of my life too. Sure.

Nick (as Barnabas): Yeah well, I think like the end of the story is just as important as the beginning, you know?

Penn (as Marathon): Thanks, Barney.

Nick: And he turns dragging this bag of signed merch off, looking absolutely elated with his find.

Penn: Marathon looks pretty uneasy.

Penn (as Marathon): Doesn't hit that same way. Hm.

Nick (as Waiter): Hors d'oeuvres, madam?

Penn (as Marathon): Oh, does it have any shrimp?

Nick (as Waiter): It's all shrimp, madam.

Penn (as Marathon): Ah. Well, feeling a little better already.

Nick: As Marathon is working her way through the shrimp hors d'oeuvres with an extremely snooty waiter, the song comes to an end and Emma, you find yourself on the edge of the dance floor as Rye releases your hand. He is panting slightly from the exertion and he smiles brightly at you and says,

Nick (as Rye): That was great. You are an amazing dancer. I would - can maybe we dance again, before the night is through? I would really appreciate if I got to see you again.

Cameron (as Emma): Oh, yeah, that - [soft laugh] I'm honestly a little bit surprised that I remembered all the steps but yeah, that that was that was fun. Feel free to find me again.

Nick (as Rye): Great. And where could I get in contact with you if if maybe I wanted to take you out to coffee or something?

Sydney: And Winifred swings up, puts an arm on Emma's shoulder and goes,

Sydney (as Winifred): Sorry Rye - I'm gonna be borrowing this one.

Sydney: And spins Emma away into the dance floor for the next song.

Cameron (as Emma): [as she's whirled away] Oh! Bye!

Nick: As Winifred and Emma spin back off to the dance floor, Rye raises a finger as though to object and then is swallowed by the crowd as you dance away.

Sydney (as Winifred): Are you having fun with the party, Emma?

Cameron (as Emma): Oh, yeah, it - the people watching has been fantastic.

Sydney (as Winifred): Oh, yeah, there's so many fun outfits. The only thing is you lose out on a little bit of body language.

Cameron (as Emma): Yes, but that might make it better actually.

Sydney (as Winifred): I mean, if you don't want to look at their faces.

Sydney: And Winifred gives the gesture to herself before going into the next move.

Cameron (as Emma): True. But I mean, I'm really more interested in their outfits. So

Sydney (as Winifred): That's fair. Did you have any desire to go find Rye later?

Cameron (as Emma): Um, so this is this is going to sound rather shitty. He was very nice and dancing was fun, but he did mention that his great Aunt was Opal, so yes, but possibly not for the desired reasons.

Sydney (as Winifred): Not for what he's hoping.

Cameron (as Emma): Yeah.

Sydney (as Winifred): Well, that's part of the politics. If you do find anyone that you like, let me know and I can help.

Cameron (as Emma): Yes. So

Sydney (as Winifred): And your tentacles are very lovely.

Cameron (as Emma): Thank you. Uh, I almost just said I grew them myself, but that is factually untrue. [laugh]

Sydney (as Winifred): No you have other things that you grew yourself.

Cameron (as Emma): [laughing] This is not mine.

Sydney (as Winifred): We're all appreciative of the show.

Cameron (as Emma): Thanks.

Sydney (as Winifred): Do you know this one, too? Or are you just good at following?

Cameron (as Emma): Um, so do y'all have cotillion on Sasnak? [laugh]

Sydney (as Winifred): I mean, once you get up high enough, yeah. Not really something I grew up with, but

Cameron (as Emma): Yeah so it's probably slightly more middle class entry level in Thunder Bay, but spent a lot of time learning dances with my cousins.

Sydney (as Winifred): Now you're looking like a natural out here. Of course, everyone's only looking at outfits and not at the actual dancing. It's all just networking and you know, other agendas.

Cameron (as Emma): I don't know. We were all looking at Cassidy earlier.

Sydney (as Winifred): Cassidy is a very good dancer.

Cameron (as Emma): Mhm. Striking.

Sydney (as Winifred): Yeah. Maybe drew a little more attention to herself than she wanted, but I was happy to show off.

Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, she's gonna [laugh] - she's gonna be hiding the rest of the night.

Sydney (as Winifred): Good luck with that. Maybe I'll rescue her again later.

Cameron (as Emma): She would probably appreciate that. Marathons probably got it covered from a security detail perspective.

Sydney (as Winifred): Well from an appreciating perspective.

Cameron (as Emma): Mhm.

Sydney (as Winifred): Marathon looks good too. You're all - those are good outfits. Janus found the right people.

Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, she's got great tailors. They work they work real fast, and it's incredibly impressive craftsmanship. But yeah, you know, you know, for for a kind of rough group of mercenaries we clean up pretty well.

Sydney (as Winifred): No, you definitely do.

Sydney: And Winifred puts Emma through a gentle spin and a gentle dip as the song comes to an end.

Sydney (as Winifred): Resume your festivities.

Cameron: Emma executes a perfect curtsy.

Cameron (as Emma): Thank you for the dance.

Sydney (as Winifred): Milady.

Cameron (as Emma): [laugh]

Sydney: Winifred returns a textbook curtsy, the black fabric of her dress glistening in its almost wet shine.

Cameron: As Winifred hits the dip of the curtsy, a shadow passes over her as Janus walks up and her wings block a lot of the light coming down out onto Winifred.

Cameron (as Janus): Um, hello? Uh Winnie - would you mind helping me with the wings? I have to go to the bathroom.

Sydney (as Winifred): That would be a challenge.

Cameron (as Janus): Mhm.

Sydney (as Winifred): Sure. I'll escort you.

Cameron (as Janus): I can't get them out of my corset by myself.

Sydney (as Winifred): Yeah, the sacrifices we make for beauty.

Cameron (as Janus): This is this is making up for you making me have Juno helped me at my wedding, so it's your turn now.

Sydney (as Winifred): And this is why I wear less clothing.

Cameron (as Janus): But I like - it's so fluffy.

Sydney: Winifred, as they exit the dance floor, blows towards the edge of a wing to see how it reacts. It carves a small temporary furrow in the feathers before they drift back together.

Sydney (as Winifred): Well it is fluffy.

Cameron (as Janus): It is.

Sydney (as Winifred): Maybe you'll get to take flight later.

Cameron (as Janus): Ha ha ha ha ha. Anyway, I found a room over here.

Cameron: She says starting to speak more under her breath so that she is not overheard.

Nick: Winifred and Janus are able to duck into a room off of the hallway on the way to the restrooms. It appears to be used for storage and there is a conveniently placed air vent up along one wall. Janus is probably going to need a little bit of help to get started, but this is her point of entry.

Sydney: Winifred locks the door behind them and then starts helping Janus out of the wings. She wasn't kidding, in that she needed help.

Cameron: Lying about the bathroom part but this is definitely a two person operation to get out of this.

Sydney: As the wings and the bulk of the masquerade outfit are removed, Winifred pulls out the small tablet that was hiding underneath all of the accessories.

Sydney (as Winifred): You need a hand?

Cameron (as Janus): [sighs in short] Yes. I'm going to need a boost.

Sydney: Winifred puts the tablet down and then interlocks her fingers to give Janus a leg up.

Cameron: Janus hops up with a practiced gesture as if they have done this many a time and pops up to open the vent and slip in.

Sydney (as Winifred): Safe journeys.

Cameron (as Janus): Thanks. [sigh]

Nick: And as the Patina continues networking and navigating the social strata of Sasnak, Winifred and Janus begin a different kind of dance.

[hurdy gurdy music swells]


Penn (as Marathon): Welcome back folks, you’re tuned to Going the Distance: Traveler’s Guide on road dial 1558. That’s a wrap on today’s log and we’re set to loop after these considerations. Further detail for the following is cataloged in the show notes.

This has been A Knight of Shreds and Patches, an actual play podcast using the Genesys game system from Fantasy Flight Games. The show is edited by Sydney Whittington, and features the talents of:

Kit Adames as Birdie. Kit can be found on Twitter and Instagram @ venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor for Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.

Penn Van Batavia as Marathon. She can be found on Twitter @ acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram @ Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE IT OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at

Sydney Whittington as Cassidy. Sydney can be found on our Discord server, which is linked in the show notes, and on Twitter @ sydney_whitt. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast.

Cameron Robertson as Emma. Cameron can be found on Twitter @ midnightmusic13 and on Instagram @ reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.

And Nick Robertson as narrator. Nick can be found on Twitter @ alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron. Nick can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.

This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at You can find Arne at

The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @ rashedjrs.

You can follow the Patina on Twitter @ akosap_podcast or visit the website: To further support the show, consider joining the Patreon at, where we’ll be bringing you weekly content including bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.

Until you tune back…

…stay bold and stay kind.


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