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Transcript: Season 3 Episode 12: Get to Her Before the Guillotine

A Knight of Shreds and Patches Transcript

Season 3 Episode 12: Get to Her Before the Guillotine

Transcript by Cameron Robertson


[hurdy gurdy music begins]

Nick: Welcome, listeners, to A Knight of Shreds and Patches. An immersive actual play podcast. This episode features the talents of –

Penn: Penn Van Batavia as Marathon Messenger and Gwendolyn Rozenthall.

Kit: Kit Adames as Birdie Foundling and Vaus Foundling.

Cameron: Cameron Robertson as Emma Blackwood and Janus Foundling.

Sydney: Sydney Whittington as Cassidy Shard and Winifred Foundling.

Nick: Nick Robertson as GM and Narrator.

Sydney: Hello listeners, this is your editor, Sydney, with today’s messages:

Please give a warm round of applause and a cool round of beverages to our new patron, Dan The Biittner! We’re always appreciative when you choose to show us your support, which gives us warm fuzzies and cool vibes, and gives you access to bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.

Hope you’re still enjoying these last few days of Pride, before we move on to next month featuring Gay Wrath, where I must legally advise you to not smash things that would count as “doing crimes” to go with your being gay. [Winifred voice] We can be more creative with our smashing than that wink

And with that, we wrap up today’s announcements and head into Season 3, Episode 12: Get to Her Before the Guillotine. And so…

“Join us, for now our tale to yours attaches

To carry hope: a Knight of Shreds and Patches.”

[hurdy gurdy music ends]

[electronic beeping]

[robotic powerup noise begins]

Distorted Robotic Voice: Power restored. Systems online. Reconfiguring audio connection.[robotic powerup noise fades to radio frequency static]

[over radio]

Cameron (as Emma): Last time on a Knight of Shreds and Patches, we masqueraded. We are a stunning array of fantastical creatures and we were all totally prepared to do… whatever it is we’re doing here. Making friends with Councilor Opal to get a job and not causing a scene I think? Basically? I got asked to dance by this guy named Rye and I’m proud to say I remembered all the steps to the dance. Birdie & Marathon got really into the snacks. And Winifred & Cassidy danced and Cassidy really let loose - it was quite the spectacle. Then I danced with Winifred before she and Janus ran off to do their sneaky thing.

[radio static]

Episode Start:

Nick: The Masquerade Ball on Sasnak Traveling is in full swing. We have seen the Patina as they began to network and make new friends and impress people with their dancing and meet celebrities. Snacks have been had and contacts have been made. Janus and Winifred have managed to escape the public eye and begin their own mission under the cover of the party, and the rest of the group continues to pursue their own goals. Birdie you had pulled an old friend of your sibling Zan off to the side. Carbon, the current X Bike Champion, recognized you earlier and you're attempting to pump him for information. Where have you dragged him for this conversation?

Kit: I think she's found a more peaceful corner where there wasn't necessarily anything for people to flock to. Does this building that the masquerade is being hosted in have a balcony like an outdoor section at all?

Nick: Yeah, there is a mostly glass wall of windows and glass doors that opens out into a wide balcony that is much less populated and looks over one of the most expensive neighborhoods in Sasnak Traveling in this luxury dome.

Kit: Great. She's started leading him towards going outside so that they can have a more private conversation and she doesn't need to be worried as much about being overheard and eavesdropped on.

Nick (as Carbon): [most surfer bro voice imaginable] Oh~. We're going to the nerd corner? People won't be able to see me from here, Birdie.

Kit (as Birdie): Well, I just wanted to be able to hear you better, Carbon.

Nick (as Carbon): Oh, well, I uh, that that makes sense to me. I've got a lot of important things to say, you know?

Kit (as Birdie): Mhm. Also, you know, I'm sure Councilwoman Opal would appreciate any business of hers discussed to be done so in a more private area.

Nick (as Carbon): Cheah. She's all about the secrets. Although that won't matter as much here at a bit - don't worry about it. Forget about that. I didn't say anything.

Kit (as Birdie): Mhm. So -

Nick (as Carbon): Ya?

Kit (as Birdie): - how'd you end up with her sponsorship? That's really impressive.

Nick (as Carbon): Now, that is a tale that could take a long time to tell my friend. I've been pretty good at X Biking you know? Well ever since Riff Cannon got out of the game it's been a wide open field. Talent's not nearly as impressive as it once was. I'm pretty much far and away the best driver out there.

Kit: Birdie will give a nearly imperceptible roll of her eyes and then smile and nod.

Kit (as Birdie): You are always really good growing up, so I mean, I'm not surprised that you are the head of the game right now.

Nick (as Carbon): Cheah. I'm the first one in the history of Sasnak Traveling X Bike league to land a 180 off a ramp.

Kit (as Birdie): That's incredibly dan- I guess my question was more that I don't remember Councilwoman Opal ever being really interested in X Biking. She was always kind of like snooty, uptight, you know?

Nick (as Carbon): Cheah. The most uncoolest. Yeah, well, there's a lot of, how'd she put it up, 'political cache' around sponsoring a team and well if you're going to sponsor one anyway, you can actually make pretty good money for a corporation if you sponsor a winner. So there's a lot of like a bidding war, you know, around around my technique. And let's just say that the turns have tabled pretty frequently, you know?

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah. I mean, I'm sure that X Biking has a lot of corporation ties in Sasnak. Anyways, um, are you really not going to tell me what you're mumbling about a couple minutes ago. Come on you haven't seen me like seven years. I'm not going to tell anyone, promise.

Kit: And she'll hold out her pinky.

Nick (as Carbon): Awww. You drive a hard bargain, Bidie. Um, I really I really should - like you're gonna find out here in just a couple minutes, I'm pretty sure.

Nick: He reaches forward and grabs your pinky really quick, surprising you.

Nick (as Carbon): I can't I can't say everything. But uh, let's just say that Opal may not necessarily be my number one sponsor anymore.

Kit: Birdie will give a little squeeze to Carbon's finger and raise an eyebrow.

Kit (as Birdie): All right. So there's going to be some some fanfare here tonight? Is that what I'm hearing?

Nick (as Carbon): I could neither confirm nor deny, Birdie.

Kit (as Birdie): [laugh] All right. All right. I'll take what I can get. I'll let you off the hook.

Kit: And she'll take her hand away.

Nick: Carbon will surreptitiously rub at his finger a little bit. Birdie had managed to tweak it enough he was worried. Birdie as Carbon looks equal parts uncomfortable and excited to have shared some good gossip, out from the party a group of just very bro-like, clearly X Bikers come running out when they see that Carbon is out here in the quiet. They're all wearing various X Bike helmets that have been made up to look like different animal heads.

Nick (as Carbon): Oh, it's my posse. What's up X Bike dudes?

Penn (as X Bike Dude): Brahhh.

Kit (as X Bike Dude): We're gonna go do a kegstand!

Penn (as X Bike Dude): Bike stand! Bike stand!

Nick (as Carbon): Where did you find a keg?

Kit (as X Bike Dude): We brought it, obviously.

Nick (as Carbon): Awww dude.

Kit (as X Bike Dude):You know I don't leave the house without it.

Penn (as X Bike Dude): You gonna spin dude? You gonna spin too?

Kit: It's at this moment that Birdie will pat Carbon's shoulder and say a quick goodbye and make her way back towards the main ballroom area.

Nick (as Carbon): Wait, Birdie - aren't you gonna do a kegstand?

Kit (as Birdie): I don't know if I have that one in me.

Penn (as X Bike Dude): Come on! We do it on the bike.

Kit (as Birdie): Oh. [was not expecting that] You know what?

Nick (as Carbon): I'll hold your dress. You don't have to be worried.

Kit (as Birdie): [laugh] Thank you, Carbon.

Nick (as Carbon): Come on. All the coolest people are doing it. Maybe you could find like,

Kit (as Birdie): You know what? Next tournament when you win, invite me to the after party and I'll do it. Yeah?

Nick (as Carbon): Well, I always win, so uh consider the invitation in the mail.

Kit (as Birdie): Perfect. Bye Carbon.

Kit: And she'll give a more obvious wave goodbye and try to worm her way back in.

Penn (as X Bike Dude): Bro who's the shawty?

Nick (as Carbon): Oh, that was uh, her name's Birdie. I was uh, really close with their their sibling before you know, it's uh - sorry I get I still get worked up.

Penn (as X Bike Dude): [overlapping] Oh shoot, bra.

Nick (as Carbon): [overlapping] We were really really close.

Kit (as X Bike Dude): [overlapping] Bro it's okay, bro.

Penn (as X Bike Dude): Bro, bro, bro -Let's go drink! Drink! Keg! Keg!

Cameron (as X Bike Dude): Dude, feel-feel your feelings.

Kit (as X Bike Dude): It's-It's masculine to cry sometimes.

Nick (as Carbon): Yeah. If I could -

Penn (as X Bike Dude): What? Guys!

Cameron (as X Bike Dude): We're here if you need us, bro.

Nick (as Carbon): Could I just - could I just get a hug? [overlapping] I'd feel a lot better.

Kit (as X Bike Dude): [overlapping] Yeah group hug. Group hug.

Penn (as X Bike Dude): [overlapping] Ugh. Bruh...

Nick (as Carbon): It's brought back a lot of memories.

Kit (as X Bike Dude): Bring it in bros.

Cameron (as X Bike Dude): Of course bro, of course.

Penn (as X Bike Dude): [sigh] Whatever, bro.

Nick (as Carbon): Oh, thank- y'all are the best.

Kit (as X Bike Dude): Kegstand!

Penn (as X Bike Dude): Keg!

Nick (as Carbon): Whoa! Yeah!

Penn (as X Bike Dude): It's gonna make you feel better brother.

Nick (as Carbon): We really got to talk about your your relationship with alcohol friend. I'm a little worried about it.

Penn (as X Bike Dude): I'm not gonna remember tonight!

Nick (as Carbon): All right, we'll wait till tomorrow!

Nick: And so as Birdie escapes the sudden swarm of X Bike people, Emma you were left to the side of the dance floor after Winifred and Janus made their exit. What have you been up to now?

Cameron: Emma has been continuing her people watching as she slowly meanders her way around the edge of the ballroom floor, working her way back to Opal's side of the room, trying to not have to force her way through crowds, but also trying not to walk right next to the dance floor so it doesn't seem like she's wanting someone to ask her to dance, because she's just trying to make it through. Setting herself up with a good line of sight on Opal and isn't going to make a move until at least one of the Patina members reappears from wherever they have wandered off to.

Kit: Can Birdie pop up behind her? She would want to sneak up on Emma.

Nick: Birdie will you roll me a Stealth check please against Emma's Perception score?

Kit: Yes, of course.

Cameron: It'll be against Emma's Perception, so it'll be two reds and a purple.

Kit: So that means that I am rolling a yellow, two greens, two reds, and a purple. It is a wash.

Nick: Okay, so with a wash I don't think that you surprise Emma, but you're able to get close to her before getting her attention.

Kit: Emma would probably hear the absolute cacophony that is Carbon and their friends exiting the balcony area to go off to whatever area that they somehow smuggled a keg into, and was probably facing the general direction that Birdie is headed, so the surprise isn't quite able to connect but Birdie will still link an arm with Emma as soon as she gets within arm's reach. And will grinningly lean in and say

Kit (as Birdie): So who's Rye? Who was that guy you were talking to?

Cameron (as Emma): Oh, well.

Cameron: Emma looks unsurprised that this question is being asked, but also does not have any interesting information to share. So is just nonchalant about it, but not no way that it's not forced at all. It literally is just she just doesn't have anything but it probably is going to come across as trying to be kind of deflective.

Cameron (as Emma): So he's um, actually uh, Opal's nephew. Great nephew.

Kit (as Birdie): Really?

Cameron (as Emma): Yes. And he seems like a nice guy. He's a good dancer.

Kit (as Birdie): Really? Well he seemed really sweet.

Cameron (as Emma): Mhm. Yep. Very, very, very polite. Never stepped on my foot.

Kit (as Birdie): These are all good things and -

Cameron (as Emma): High praise.

Kit (as Birdie): Mhm. And what's even better is now both of us have an in with Opal.

Cameron (as Emma): Oh~, what's yours?

Kit (as Birdie): Ah, it turns out that one of Zan's friends actually kind of wound up the X Bike Champion right now - the reigning champion.

Cameron (as Emma): Oh, dang.

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, real interesting character. [slightly fake laugh] And is sponsored by Opal.

Cameron (as Emma): Nice.

Kit (as Birdie): But there's some weird stuff that they mentioned to me. They were saying like, Oh, it's like Opals just doing it for, I dunno, whatever Corporation stuff, but then said stuff about Opal not being their sponsor past tonight,

Cameron (as Emma): Huh.

Kit (as Birdie): - and made it kind of seem like something big was going to happen involving Opal tonight.

Cameron (as Emma): Interesting. I just keep hearing like, as I walked through the crowds, just people gossiping about how she killed that other council person.

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah maybe someone's gonna do something. Maybe someone's gonna try and be like, public execution of Opal or something like that.

Cameron (as Emma): From from every from everything I've heard - and I will say first, I don't I do not understand how this law is working here, but everything appeared to be totally legal?

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.

Cameron (as Emma): And like it - somebody said that the First Sword presided over it.

Kit (as Birdie): Mhm.

Cameron (as Emma): And I don't know if - when when Cassidy and I were at the X Bike tournament, like, in the middle of a few of the races, they they had like a public duel.

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.

Cameron (as Emma): So that seems to just be a thing that's accepted, and Gwendolyn killed a dude.

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, that happens all the time.

Cameron (as Emma): Just like in front of everyone and then they cheered.

Kit (as Birdie): Mhm.

Cameron (as Emma): Really weird.

Kit (as Birdie): I wasn't joking about the public execution of Opal thing. Like it could be something that could happen. Well, better get to her before the guillotine does.

Cameron (as Emma): I mean, if we get to [laughing] her and then there's an angry mob, what good does that do us any way?

Kit (as Birdie): We could flip the story on her and be like, 'actually, we were just getting closer to her so that we could be the first ones to~' - I don't know. We'll make it work. We'll make it work. We'll find it angle we always do. Right? Yeah.

Cameron (as Emma): Okay. Okay. Sure. Yeah. Uh huh. I don't know what my angle was really going to be besides like, 'hello. [laugh] I love your outfit.'

Kit (as Birdie): I mean, the overall angle was to get a job, but

Cameron (as Emma): Mhm.

Kit (as Birdie): - obviously we to approach we had to have some reason to approach her besides that we like her outfit. Of course, that will also help her like us, but

Cameron (as Emma): Mhm. Yeah, I told Rye that he could find me again, so maybe that will happen and we can go make friends.

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, he can like introduce us.

Cameron (as Emma): Yeah. He said she makes him or she either makes him come to these or he like feels obligated to because of her, but either way, it seems like that was a good family relationship.

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.

Cameron (as Emma): So

Kit (as Birdie): Maybe like he's like a favorite or something like that. So we can get in on the sweet good nephews side.

Cameron (as Emma): I mean I'll take whatever advantage we can get.

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.

Cameron (as Emma): Especially since we just want her to like us and then let us help her with something. Think of us when she needs people. I don't - whatever.

Kit (as Birdie): Give us money.

Cameron (as Emma): Yeah.

Nick: As Birdie and Emma are planning their approach to Opal, Cassidy you have managed to lose your admiring crowd from your dance with Winifred and make your way towards Gwendolyn, who has lost her hangers on and is unguarded for the first time this evening. Gwendolyn, what are you up to as Cassidy approaches?

Penn: Is there like a hallway that's - are we enclosed in this room?

Nick: It's a big dome shaped room with a big open floor. On one side there's two staircases that lead up to the podium where you entered and there's some tables scattered around the edges for people sitting as well as those kind of awkward too small cocktail tables scattered around. And then yeah, there's the hallways to the bathroom and stuff off to the side if you think Gwendolyn would be hiding in one of those where it was quieter.

Penn: Gwendolyn is sitting in a corner that looks kind of cramped with her very large outfit. The antlers sticking out from her spine fill this space that's just under one of the staircases and she's been able to stave off visitors with a little barrier of red velvet rope that maybe was designed to just keep guests from getting stuck in this area, but Gwendolyn has commandeered as a quiet spot. She is sitting in a chair that looks very small under her large armor and sits with her half cape draped over one shoulder and in what seems like a very comfortable posture of elbows on her knees and her hands interlocked, her thumbs over her lips as she looks like she's thinking intently.

Sydney: So I think my Triumph from last time, as Cassidy was sneaking out and trying to get an angle towards Gwendolyn, that there's something about either Cassidy's outfit or the way that she momentarily was the center of attention that draws Gwendolyn's eye enough that without Gwendolyn knowing that it's Cassidy in the outfit is willing to at least entertain a momentary visit.

Penn: Gwendolyn sees this figure starting to approach and instead of the usual dread that fills her stomach, she instead gets a little humored curiosity, looking at this person who just flared on the dance floor in such a unique yet stunning outfit.

Sydney: Cassidy nears the velvet ropes that mark the edges of Gwendolyn's sphere of solitude and gives a brief curtsy and goes

Sydney (as Cassidy): Permission to approach the Golden Fist of Ukhon?

Penn: Gwendolyn's curious face twists into a very defensive face as she sits up very drastically before her head tilts in a little bit of confusion.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Is that Cassidy Fucking Shard?

Sydney: Cassidy lifts the bottom of her dinosaur mask up enough to flash a smile before putting it back in place.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Oh my god. Cassidy what are you doing here? Is is -

Penn: Gwendolyn immediately starts peeking over Cassidy's shoulder.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): - is Wyatt, is Wyatt here? What are you - what are you doing here?

Sydney (as Cassidy): I'm just making a social call and saying hi.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Oh, sorry.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Can I have a second?

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Yeah of course.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Or a minute?

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Any anytime for an old Patina member. Come on. Come on into my little roped area. VIP.

Sydney: Cassidy unhooks the velvet rope, slips behind it, and then sits on a chair that much more suits her frame than Gwendolyn's.

Penn: Gwendolyn's chair makes a creaking sound as she leans forward.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Welcome. I I didn't - I wasn't for sure if I would see you all again with with everything. I -

Sydney (as Cassidy): Well it's been a few years. Yeah.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Yeah. Well, dang. Let me know what's going on. Did you and Owyn finally work it out or?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Um not quite. It turns out - well. Do you want to jump right into the drama or do you want -

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Oh dang.

Sydney (as Cassidy): - to [laugh]

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Yeah sure. I loved hearing about you to cats, but I'm sorry to hear it didn't didn't pan out.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, I think you may be left the group at the right time.

Sydney: And Cassidy's body language visibly slumps, though Gwendolyn can't see her face.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Oh. Hey we don't - let's you know, we don't have to talk about it. Sorry, Cassidy. Um,

Sydney (as Cassidy): But yeah no, it's, it's the Pat- - of the Patina that you knew, it's just me now.

Sydney: And she gives a thumbs up.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): That bad?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Not everyone is dead, but I've inherited the rest of the gear, so

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Dea- it's so - Okay, quick, just quickly, let me know because I would actually really like to know, and I'm, I you know, I'm sorry if this is - I just want to know, but I'll say a name, you tell me still living, okay?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Uh huh.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Um Iokua?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Living.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Okay.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Probably hopefully thriving. I think he found a newfound appreciation for pet raccoons.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Do you ever hear anything about Toshi?

Sydney (as Cassidy): No, not - I took his spot when I signed on a sharpshooter and I don't

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Yeah.

Sydney (as Cassidy): I think he -

Penn (as Gwendolyn): I was wondering.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): How about Wyatt?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Alive. Pretty beat up. Decided to go back and spend the rest of well, at least the immediate rest of his days with his family. I'm not sure what his long term plans are, but back to Spanet.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Mm. And Pallie then went too?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Uh~ Pallie... well, was one of the ones that died. Um.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Oh. Well shit.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Doing an ambitious mission. I think that, that was why Iokua left.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Wow. Can't can't blame him.

Sydney (as Cassidy): No, yeah, it was probably a good decision on his part too.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Well, this is about us. How, how are you doing? I - you seem like you've really grown into yourself a little bit.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Oh yes.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): You seem, just the way you you're walking around here - you're not the the wallflower [laugh] that you used to be.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, well, I'm, you know, I'm trying to play the part of someone wearing colors and is shiny. And it definitely wasn't that I didn't realize what the dance was.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Cassidy Shard - a people person. I didn't think I'd see the day.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, you still haven't. It's okay.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): [laugh] Oh.

Sydney (as Cassidy): I'm happy to sit back here and take this break with you.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Yeah. Ugh. You wouldn't imagine that kind of - ugh. I mean, obviously, this job has its perks and I'm glad I took it. I think? Actually,

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah you've been here for five years now almost.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): You know, I said that out of my mouth, but I'm mostly just trying to convince myself. [laugh]

Sydney (as Cassidy): I mean,

Penn (as Gwendolyn): I am not a huge fan of this, this job, but it somebody needs to do it. So,

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah. Well, and you got a good head on your shoulders, make, you know, rational choices.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): You know, I can only hope. But I mean, this place is a mess.

Sydney: Cassidy looks out at the party and all of the people twirling with no care in the world but who they're trying to impress at the moment.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): I mean, you see all these people there - it's like, there's two different worlds going on here and my job is to just keep it going. I but you know, something needs to be in place, I guess. Ah, sorry, Cassidy. I - what have you been up to? You know, new Patina. So you're still Patina, you said.

Sydney (as Cassidy): We're still the Patina, yup.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Okay.

Sydney (as Cassidy): We've got the fish in the gear - even if Pallie is not still around. We've got a new mechanic.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Oh the logo. [small laugh]

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, but no, we're we're doing well. Been doing some mercenary work. We were up in Eagle Hill last winter and we've kind of been working our way down.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Traveling around. You been back up north at all?

Sydney (as Cassidy): We spent a little bit in Tree All, but besides that we've kind of been working southwest towards like Quirk.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Not back to Ohisee?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Nah, we kind of went around it. Allium is not my favorite place, so

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Mm.

Sydney (as Cassidy): That was where we went after we dropped you off here.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): You went to Allium.

Sydney (as Cassidy): I mean, after we stayed here, and then you stayed here after, yeah.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Dang. Well, you always got a welcome here and if you're still the Patina name, you've got a little bit of cache that you can still -

Sydney (as Cassidy): Oh have you been donating to the cause?

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Oh, sorry. Not cash as in money. No. [laugh] No, you have cache with an E.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Ah.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): C-H. C-H-E at the end. Yeah.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, that's probably the real currency of Sasnak anyway, right?

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Oh, yeah. You got to know people. And while I may not be the most on the most charming terms with a lot of the people here, I am in an authority term with a lot of the people here so I can can get you connected if you needed anything. What are you guys doing in Sasnak? I - I'm sure you didn't come all this way just to visit me, otherwise it probably would have happened within the last few years or something. Why now?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah. No we're working - we've got a pickup job I guess, somewhere outside of Quirk, so this was a good spot to stop for resupply on the way down. One of our crew members grew up here so

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Oh, dang. Okay, posh, posh motherfucker if they made it here. Probably.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah~.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Well good for them. I understand that. Yup. Well, I'm [mumbling] You want to- yeah, I want to hear what have your good adventures been, Cassidy?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Oh.

Sydney: Cassidy sticks her head out of the cubby and flags down a waiter to get another flute of champagne.

Sydney (as Cassidy): You want anything?

Penn (as Gwendolyn): No, I've got - I'm on duty.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Fair enough.

Sydney: And Cassidy takes a swig.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Gotta make sure no duels start at the masquerade ball. [laugh]

Sydney (as Cassidy): We saw you participate in one at an X Bikes game.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Oh, I'm sorry to see that. Yeah, that's -

Penn: Gwendolyn grimaces, embarrassed.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): I - my, not my proudest moment, but like I said, I better me than someone else running this machine. You know?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah. Um we disarmed a bomb on a train that was gonna blow up a bunch of innocent people and stopped the bandits that were trying to rob it.

Penn: Gwendolyn gives a little clap with her metal gauntlet gloves.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Congratulations. Very impressive.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, we went down into somewhat abandoned mines and pulled up some minerals to feed the fabricator industry in Eagle Hill, which was fun until the city threw us out.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Oh.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Apparently we were, you know, speeding or fighting bandits in the streets, either way.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Never been over there, but good to know they're a little conflict fragile.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, it's - there are citizens and there are non-citizens.

Sydney: And Cassidy gives a gesture to encompass Sasnak.

Sydney (as Cassidy): And I think the same thing is true here.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): I'm sure the same. You know, this is this is just how - I haven't known a world that hasn't worked like this. So

Sydney (as Cassidy): We~ - let's see - we helped drive off some kind of bandit force from Advantia outpost out east. That was a big pain. But you know, we've got our new mechanic is pretty good with the sword. She inherited Wyatt's big two hander, so

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Wow, okay. Must be strong.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Got someone to finally replace old Golden Fist, huh?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah well she fights with another exosuit, so maybe you'll see her in action someday, hopefully in like an exhibition bout - something without stakes.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): So you guys see in a lot more action then?

Sydney (as Cassidy): I mean, it's the same as it always has been. We've been lucky enough that I can be a little choosier about the jobs we take and not have to do some of the less hm~, morally spotless ones. I feel good about what we're doing. So

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Yeah, well, do you ever feel like settling down? Because I could, I could get you some citizenship if you were interested.

Sydney (as Cassidy): [short laugh]

Penn: Gwendolyn gives a little playful jostle of her shoulders, rattling the armor.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, I'm not too much for settling down, but it is -

Penn (as Gwendolyn): [was expecting that answer] Ah yeah.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Yeah, that's a welcome offer.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): I knew is a long shot. And it's been a pretty peaceful party, honestly. Maybe maybe I will sneak a little flute.

Sydney: Cassidy raises an eyebrow inside her mask and realizes Gwendolyn can't see it anyway, but goes to flag down another waitstaff person and gets a fresh flute.

Nick: From that conversation, we move into dark and dusty air vents in the liminal space around the occupied parts of this luxury dwelling. Janus you have been crawling as silently as you can for a while. How is the conversation with Winifred?

Cameron: I think the conversation is mostly limited to directions. [laugh]

Sydney: Yeah. Winifred's got the tablet out and she's tracking Janus through the vents, warning of any security, giving the direction to take at branch points, confident that Juno's magic box is working and will work at the point where they need to pass through the active security. But it's been a while since she had to rely on gadgets that weren't her own. And she's drumming her fingers compared to the cool composure she normally keeps is noticeable.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Win how much further do I have until the thing?

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Probably 10 more yards down that vent and then you'll take a 45 degrees left and then it should be around there.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Alrighty. Dum de dum. So how's it going up there?

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Well, the door's locked and I'm sitting against the opposite corner to make sure that my voice doesn't carry.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Sounds lovely.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Your swan wings are perfectly intact and not getting dusty.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] [coughing] Good. Glad part of me is not. [clears throat][sigh] All right I am reaching the 45 degree turn.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] And then after this, there's only one more turn and then there should be the access point.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] All right.

Cameron: Janus reaches the point where another vent intersects at a 45 degree angle, faces it and pauses and then scoops up some of the large amount of dust that is in these vents and holds it out in front of her mouth and blows on it.

Cameron (as Janus): [blow]

Nick: The dust that you kick up illuminates an interlocking net of red lasers that are flickering in different patterns and extend down a large piece of this air shaft. You're not sure what kind of alarm they're hooked up to or what sort of booby trap this is, but in your experience, Janus, grids of red lasers tend to be bad.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] I have reached the thingy. Now attaching the thingy from Juno.

Cameron: And Janus removes a small box from where it was attached at her side and sticks it to the wall where there is a bunch of intersecting wires.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] I just push the button on this right?

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] That's what Juno said.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] O-K.

Cameron: Janus pushes the button and then sits back on her heels and looks at where the laser grid is.

Nick: There is a barely audible whine from the box, which then cuts out and then the laser grid flickers off and the way appears to be clear.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Effective.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Yeah I saw one status light flicker, so it looks like it's spoofing whatever too.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Sweet.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Yeah.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] All right.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] It's up to spec.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] I will keep going then.

Nick: Janus, you hear a click, there is a long pause. And then you hear another click. And then there's a slightly shorter pause and you hear another click, and you recognize that this is some sort of timer coming from the box.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Shit.

Cameron: How deep was this laser field?

Nick: The laser field was a good 20 to 30 feet long. This is a long crawl.

Cameron: Okay. Janus is going to speed through it to get to that access point that Winifred needs her to get to.

Nick: And as you're crawling, the clicking gets faster and faster. And you get to the end where there's a panel as the clicking goes to almost a solid tone. And as you press up against the wall where this access panel is the lasers flicker on and you have just enough space to set up on this side of the grid without being touched. That was a lot closer than you would have hoped it to be.

Cameron: So I think during this Winifred just heard Janus go like,

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Shit shit shit.

Cameron: And then some heavy breathing as she scrambled through this vent.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Everything good?

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio][heavy breathing] Yeah. So, well - maybe. That was apparently on a tunnel. Not a tunnel, sorry - a timer. It was on a timer and it started clicking at me and I made it through to the other side but the lasers are back up.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Why- Why would Juno put it on a timer?

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Cause, cause they hate me? I don't know what I did to deserve this, but

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio][annoyed noise]

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] I am I'm right next to the access point. So once I've recovered my breath I will continue on, but the lasers are back on. Laser field is a [sigh], probably about 10 minute from now Janus problem. [sigh]

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Well I'll look around and see if I have a way to disable it.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Cool.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] I mean we got the thing from Juno for a reason, but if~

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Mhm.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] We got 10 minutes. Take your time.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio][still out of breath] It's fine. Remind me what I'm doing once I make it through this vent.

Sydney: Winifred is now rapidly tapping on her tablet.

Nick: And we turn away from the pair working their way through the ventilation system and back to the party. Emma and Birdie you see that some of Opal's retinue have left to go get food and she is much less accompanied than she's been all night so far as she holds court from the high table where most of the counselors are. This is probably your best chance to approach.

Kit (as Birdie): You ready?

Cameron (as Emma): I was just about to ask you, so

Kit (as Birdie): Then we're both as ready as we will be.

Cameron (as Emma): Yep.

Kit (as Birdie): Can be. Yep. Okay.

Cameron (as Emma): Mhm. Yep. We shall see how it goes~. It'll be fine.

Kit (as Birdie): Is she dressed as a flamingo?

Cameron (as Emma): Yes, I - I have been staring at it trying to decipher and I believe that is accurate.

Kit (as Birdie): Hmm. Okay.

Kit: And she'll take Emma's arm in her own and begin walking towards Opal's seating area.

Kit (as Birdie): Very pink.

Cameron (as Emma): I think she looks festive.

Kit (as Birdie): Very pink. [laugh]

Cameron (as Emma): Mhm. Eating a lot of shrimp. [laugh]

Kit (as Birdie): I don't even think flamingos can get that pink.

Penn: Marathon who has been laying low and scanning the room keeping tabs on the rest of the Patina, sees Birdie and Emma start to make their way towards Opal who has opened up and sees this - is predicting this as their move towards interacting with Opal and so she sets down her champagne flute that she had been just taking small sips out of on a small bar table next to her and starts walking towards Emma and Birdie planning to look sort of like backup or security. A big body to back them up. She comes up behind them as they're walking.

Kit (as Birdie): Well hi, Marathon.

Penn (as Marathon): Hey, I'll just be here right behind you.

Cameron (as Emma): Oh, hey, Marathon.

Penn (as Marathon): Keeping tabs.

Cameron (as Emma): Did you lose Cassidy?

Penn (as Marathon): Oh, Cassidy lost herself.

Cameron (as Emma): Oh.

Penn (as Marathon): On purpose. Talking to Gwendolyn, I think.

Cameron (as Emma): Oh~ okay.

Penn (as Marathon): Do you see her dance, by the way? I saw you dance.

Cameron (as Emma): I did - I did see her dance. Yes.

Penn (as Marathon): We're coming up. Okay.

[group giggles]

Penn (as Marathon): I'm gonna play silent.

Cameron (as Emma): Cool.

Nick: So as you all approach, Councilor Opal holds up a distracted hand to somebody who's been talking while sitting next to her and eating and pauses the conversation and looks interestedly at the three of you.

Kit: Birdie will, as casually as possible for approaching someone who's run the city that she grew up in as long as or longer than she's been around can, and will put a gleaming smile on her face.

Kit (as Birdie): Good evening. Councilwoman Opal. It's so lovely to see you out and -

Cameron (as Opal): Oh, wait, wait, wait - don't tell me. Let me guess. Um. A peacock?

Penn: Marathon gives a nod.

Cameron (as Opal): I'm getting good at this. An octopus~ yes?

Cameron: Emma nods trying not to have a face that is like ‘duh’ because hers is incredibly obvious.

Cameron (as Opal): And um a, moth? Butterfly?

Kit (as Birdie): Yes, yes. A moth.

Cameron (as Opal): Perfect. Now what am I?

Cameron: And she strikes a pose.

Kit: Birdie will give it a moment of thought and will very courteously look over all the little details that Opal has put into her outfit.

Kit (as Birdie): Are you a flamingo?

Cameron (as Opal): Yes! You're like the second person to get it right. My my nephew understood, but

Cameron: She turns to the person who she shushed as the group was coming over.

Cameron (as Opal): As I told you it was an incredibly obvious outfit. I don't understand why you're all struggling so much.

Kit (as Birdie): It's gorgeous. The details of the beak and the wings are absolutely amazing, Councilwoman.

Cameron (as Opal): Oh well thank you. I do - I was trying to represent, if you know the amount of shrimp that my company works in it just seemed very appropriate.

Kit (as Birdie): Absolutely. I mean, that's a very, very clever tie in if I might say.

Cameron (as Opal): Yes, I thought so. Thank you very much. Now I'm, I'm sorry. I believe I interrupted you as you were introducing yourself. Please do go on.

Kit (as Birdie): It's quite alright, Councilwoman. So we are three quarters of a group that - we call ourselves the Patina. My name is Birdie. I grew up in Sasnak and so it's very lovely to be back and to be a part of the festivities. And these are my two compatriots and friends. I'll let them introduce themselves.

Kit: And she'll gesture to you both.

Cameron (as Emma): Hello, ma'am. My name is Emma, and I'm not from Sasnak. I'm from Thunder Bay, way up north.

Penn (as Marathon): [clears throat]

Penn: Marathon, staying very upright, has one hand reached over her other wrist in front of her.

Penn (as Marathon): Marathon.

Cameron (as Opal): Oh. Well, welcome home.

Kit (as Birdie): Thank you.

Cameron (as Opal): To you, I suppose. Not to the -

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah.

Cameron (as Opal): - two of you, obviously. You said you said the Patina?

Kit (as Birdie): Yes. Yes, ma'am. We are a traveling mercenary company and we were stopping through for a supply run and for work opportunities, but I do believe that my group stopped through a couple of years ago.

Cameron (as Opal): You wouldn't happen to be Gwendolyn's Patina?

Kit (as Birdie): Yes. That that very one.

Cameron (as Opal): Oh my goodness. What a small world.

Kit (as Birdie): Yes. Gwendolyn is a very, very big name within our group.

Cameron (as Opal): Yes, it was quite the coup when we convinced her to remain here and abandon you, I suppose. [giggles in rich]

Kit (as Birdie): I know. We miss her every single day and well we certainly miss her talents, but I absolutely believe that she does amazing work for the city and I'm, I'm glad that she's here. Really.

Cameron (as Opal): Oh, yes. A better First Sword we've never had.

Kit (as Birdie): I'm sure. I remember the First Sword prior to Gwendolyn when I - well, whilst I was growing up and uh, train wreck really.

Cameron (as Opal): Dreadful man.

Kit (as Birdie): Absolutely. Well, I'm so glad that we've gotten a step up in recent years then.

Cameron (as Opal): Very much so. Also in height.

Kit (as Birdie): Literally, yes. A step up. [laugh]

Cameron (as Opal): [proud of joke] Yes.

Kit (as Birdie): So we were um figuring that since we have Gwendolyn already a part of the ecosystem here now that if need be at any point, we'd love to offer you our services as a mercenary company. It'd be an honor to help the city again, as we once did.

Cameron (as Opal): Oh um. Certainly.

Kit (as Birdie): Especially for you.

Cameron (as Opal): Oh, for me?

Kit (as Birdie): Yes, of course.

Cameron (as Emma): Gwendolyn has told us a lot about you, Councilor and just, you were the first one we wanted to offer our services to.

Cameron (as Opal): Oh! Well.

Cameron: She kind of preens a little bit, and it works even better because she's got feathers.

Cameron (as Opal): Well, I mean if the First Sword is suggesting it then - I I don't I don't know what I would have you do at the moment. Um. I will certainly keep it in mind. Where are you staying?

Kit (as Birdie): Oh, well, we're staying with my elder sister in Merchant's Alley. She's been very kind to let us take over her space for a bit.

Cameron (as Opal): Oh, how lovely. Your family's still here?

Kit (as Birdie): Yes. Yes. All my family is still here. They all work in the city and, you know, contribute.

Cameron (as Opal): [ahh capitalism] Wonderful.

Kit (as Birdie): Absolutely. You know um, I really appreciate your consideration in terms of thinking about our work and yours aligning in the future. And I don't know if this is within your interests at all, but we were considering the next few X Biking tournaments as working opportunities and connection based events. So

Cameron (as Opal): Mm.

Kit (as Birdie): I do happen to know that you're well connected with a friend of mine.

Cameron (as Opal): [shocked they run in the same circles] Oh?

Kit (as Birdie): Carbon?

Cameron (as Opal): Carbon. Yes. Yes, Carbon is currently the course reigning X Bike Champion and shall shall be racing for me. So

Kit (as Birdie): Well we'll be sure to support him.

Cameron (as Opal): I'm I'm sure you'd be able to find someone else to sponsor you. There's there's always other Councilors attempting to join in, but I'm - I have the champion at the moment, so I don't don't believe I need two teams.

Kit (as Birdie): Oh, no, not at all. It's just in terms of support. We know who we're we're aligning ourselves with on the next tournament, then.

Cameron (as Opal): Oh, so you're support staff for the X Bikes?

Kit (as Birdie): Yes.

Cameron (as Emma): Yes, ma'am. I'm a mechanic. And really the the behind the scenes and while while we do have some riders in our group, the -

Penn: Marathon shakes her head to herself.

Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, it's not Marathon. Well, we do we do have some riders, but the - we are more than happy to be the background and the support to make sure that the best team is working with the best maintained equipment.

Cameron (as Opal): Oh. Yes. I believe - I don't really know that side of it, but I believe Carbon and his posse will have all of that covered.

Kit (as Birdie): Of course. Of course.

Cameron (as Opal): Or my people do. I don't I don't know that. [laughs in I have people for that]

Kit (as Birdie): The reigning champion.

Cameron (as Opal): Those are too low level details.

Nick: We see across the ballroom, the group of X bikers. Carbon is doing a one handed handstand on a keg that says 'Carbon rocks' R-O-X on it. And they are holding him above the keg by the ankles and you you just hear a lot of

Nick (as group of biker dudes): Chug, chug, chug!

Kit (as Birdie): Well.

Cameron (as Opal): Such a fine upstanding group of young people.

Kit (as Birdie): Absolutely. And if not support or being a fellow racing team then we sure know who to cheer for in the next. And really my team is being very coy. Emma's amazing at many many things.

Cameron: Emma blushes and it's only slightly visible behind the octopus [laugh] that's on her face, but you can tell that her cheeks pink up a bit.

Cameron (as Opal): So of course we would want the First Swords group to have all the opportunities that you could want. I could potentially connect you with one of the lesser council members. I know some of them are trying to make a step on to the racing scene. Maybe one of them would be interested in you.

Penn: Marathon makes a barely imperceptible frown.

Kit: Birdie's smile tightens and she nods a bit while scrambling to try and figure out what to say in response.

Nick: The conversation is interrupted by the loud bang of the entryway double doors opening. The entryway is up a broad staircase on the side of the room and provides a view of the entire floor and so all of the party goers are also able to see this late arrival. A tall figure swathed entirely in a black cloak with the hood pulled up. You can see a mask of a chrome skull fully covering the face and the musical group falls quiet and the dancers stop as the robed figure walks down the stairs and the heels of their boots click on the polished floor as they cross the room, the crowd parting in front of them as they climb the wide stairs behind the high table of the Councilors. The robed figure does not acknowledge them in any way as they make their way to the podium where Gwendolyn welcomed everyone and started the festivities. This person throws back their hood and pulls off the mask to reveal a gaunt and skeletal figure. Besides the fact that the tanned and leathery skin stretched over bone isn't chrome, they look very similar to the mask that they were wearing before. And a gasp goes up from the crowd as people in the audience murmur and you gather that this is Councilor Wander, the man that was rumored to have been killed in a duel just a couple of weeks ago.

Cameron (as Opal): What the fuck? That man was dead! Dead people should stay dead.

Nick: The podium still has a microphone on it and Wander grabs it, knowing full well that he has everyone's attention as he says

Nick (as Wander): News of my death was greatly exaggerated. My invitation seems to have been lost in the mail, but I decided to grace you all with my presence anyway, because I needed to announce my trading group's newest acquisition.

Penn: Gwendolyn is about halfway through a champagne flute having been chatting with Cassidy and having a good walk down memory lane. As the crowd goes quiet, she picks up on the disquieting silence and stands straight up as Wander begins to speak recognizing his voice.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): I'm sorry, Cassidy. This guy's - wha- he's supposed to be dead.

Nick (as Wander): My trading group is proud to announce that we have purchased the contract of the current X Bike Champion Carbon. Welcome to the team. We look forward to defending your title with new funding, new equipment, and new facilities.

Nick: Add from the back of the room you hear Carbon says,

Nick (as Carbon): Yeahh~.

Kit: Birdie's gaze slides over to Opal.

Cameron: Opal went slightly ashen whenever she realized who Wander was and as he's talked, just more and more color has been draining from her face, and she's staring slightly slack jawed but still in a very posh way.

Nick: Councilor Opal you make eye contact with Wander as he finishes his announcement, and he does a little two fingered salute at you before sketching a graceful bow behind the podium.

Cameron: As Wander steps away from the podium, Opal turns to face her table once again and picks up a champagne flute that was sitting in front of her that was still untouched and throws it back and sets the flute back on the table, and she turns to make eye contact with Birdie and says

Cameron (as Opal): You know on second thought, I do believe I could use a mercenary group for my X Bike team.

[hurdy gurdy music swells]


Penn (as Marathon): Welcome back folks, you’re tuned to Going the Distance: Traveler’s Guide on road dial 1558. That’s a wrap on today’s log and we’re set to loop after these considerations. Further detail for the following is cataloged in the show notes.

This has been A Knight of Shreds and Patches, an actual play podcast using the Genesys game system from Fantasy Flight Games. The show is edited by Sydney Whittington, and features the talents of:

Kit Adames as Birdie. Kit can be found on Twitter and Instagram @ venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor for Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.

Penn Van Batavia as Marathon. She can be found on Twitter @ acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram @ Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE IT OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at

Sydney Whittington as Cassidy. Sydney can be found on our Discord server, which is linked in the show notes, and on Twitter @ sydney_whitt. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast.

Cameron Robertson as Emma. Cameron can be found on Twitter @ midnightmusic13 and on Instagram @ reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.

And Nick Robertson as narrator. Nick can be found on Twitter @ alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron. Nick can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.

This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at You can find Arne at

The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @ rashedjrs.

You can follow the Patina on Twitter @ akosap_podcast or visit the website: To further support the show, consider joining the Patreon at, where we’ll be bringing you weekly content including bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.

Until you tune back…

…stay bold and stay kind


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