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Transcript: Season 3 Episode 13: One More Dance

A Knight of Shreds and Patches Transcript

Season 3 Episode 13: One More Dance

Transcript by Cameron Robertson


[hurdy gurdy music begins]

Nick: Welcome, listeners, to A Knight of Shreds and Patches. An immersive actual play podcast. This episode features the talents of –

Penn: Penn Van Batavia as Marathon Messenger and Gwendolyn Rozenthall.

Kit: Kit Adames as Birdie Foundling and Vaus Foundling.

Cameron: Cameron Robertson as Emma Blackwood and Janus Foundling.

Sydney: Sydney Whittington as Cassidy Shard and Winifred Foundling.

Nick: Nick Robertson as GM and Narrator.

Sydney: Hello listeners, this is your editor, Sydney, with today’s messages:

[newsboy voice] EXTRA EXTRA, hot off the presses, a new episode! Stuff happens and things ensue, read all about it! [normal voice] In the transcripts that our dear Cameron prepares for the episode every other week after I take my post-production chainsaw to it. Or, if you’re hearing me now, you could also just keep listening. Either way, we’re happy you’re here enjoying our content.

And if you want to skip to the comics section, consider backing our Patreon, which gives you access to bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.

And with that, we wrap up today’s announcements and head into Season 3, Episode 13: One More Dance. And so…

“Join us, for now our tale to yours attaches

To carry hope: a Knight of Shreds and Patches.”

[hurdy gurdy music ends]

[electronic beeping]

[robotic powerup noise begins]

Distorted Robotic Voice: Power restored. Systems online. Reconfiguring audio connection.[robotic powerup noise fades to radio frequency static]

[over radio]

Kit (as Birdie): Last time on a Knight of Shreds and Patches, I managed to wrestle some information out of my old friend Carbon about some goings on within the council and it only solidified the fact that we really needed to talk to Councilwoman Opal. So Marathon, Emma, and I all went to go and speak to her while I believe Cassidy was [pause] doing Cassidy things, I think. And it went well until we sort of lost her interest, I think. Um I saw my first zombie, but this being said, the zombie did help us score a deal with Councilwoman Opal, so we’ll classify it as an overall win. I just hope that Winifred and Janus are doing okay.

[radio static]

Episode Start:

Nick: The ball has been pleasant overall for the Patina, as old friends have been met, new friends have been made, and, potentially, contracts are being negotiated. The dance floor has just resumed as Councilor Wander announced that he was not in fact dead and dropped the bombshell on Sasnak society that he had purchased the contract of Carbon Steel, the top ranked X Bike athlete. And Councilor Opal, finding herself standing next to a group of mercenaries asking for work, reconsiders the polite blow off that she started that interaction with. And so as the strings strike up a new tune for the couples on the dance floor, a business person strikes up a negotiation.

Cameron (as Opal): Do you happen to have any X Bike experience?

Kit (as Birdie): Um,

Cameron (as Opal): Like actually racing?

Kit (as Birdie): I do in the smaller races when I was younger, but we are, our mercenary group is quite well rounded, and um

Penn (as Marathon): We got one of the best racers - Miss Cassidy Shard is an excellent X Bike racer who would gladly take this job, even though she would have to take time out of her busy X Bike schedule to do so.

Cameron (as Opal): Is that her stage name? It's rubbish. She should work on that.

Penn: Marathon looks like she's held back a lot and is now sweating profusely.

Kit: Birdie side eyes Marathon, and her smile grows quite a bit.

Kit (as Birdie): Oh yes, yes. We've been meaning to um, work on that with her, but yes, she's very, very talented, and I think that she would make a fantastic fit for a competitor against Carbon Steel.

Cameron (as Opal): Hmm. Something flashier, I think.

Penn: Marathon looks like she's trying to hold herself back, but just can't.

Penn (as Marathon): Yeah, she's pretty she's like, one of the best racers, like, faster on the track than Carbon, for sure, and then, like the flashing is just like -

Cameron (as Opal): The flashing?

Penn (as Marathon): Sorry, let me take a step back. Let me, let me just take a breath.

Penn: And Marathon puts her hands on her hips and turns around, just exhaling.

Cameron (as Opal): I meant her stage name should be flashier. Is she - no, no. Never mind.

Penn: Marathon facepalms.

Cameron (as Opal): It’s curious that I've never heard of this fabulous racer that you have, but apparently I no longer have a racer, so

Kit (as Birdie): We'd be happy to fill the position for you.

Cameron (as Opal): [considering] Hmm.

Kit: Birdie will pat Marathon on the back.

Penn: Her hand comes away wet.

Kit (as Birdie): Oh…

Kit: And she'll wipe it on her dress as discreetly as possible.

Kit (as Birdie): Well, seeing is you'll need someone who, A, can race and B,

Kit: She'll gesture to herself.

Kit (as Birdie): I've known Carbon since they started racing, so I know exactly how to beat Carbon.

Cameron (as Opal): Oh?

Penn (as Marathon): Birdie is really good too.

Cameron (as Opal): That was an invitation to go on, dear.

Kit (as Birdie): Well, I know I'm just meaning like I can train Cassidy. I I'm - mm.

Kit: Birdie will shuffle a little bit.

Kit (as Birdie): I'm I'm saying we can work as a team to do exactly what you might need us to do.

Cameron (as Opal): Hmm. So.

Nick: So now seems like a great time for a Negotiation check at hard difficulty, but you can have a blue die, Birdie, because Opal is a little distracted by her current plans being extremely disrupted by Councilor Wander.

Kit: Okay, that means I am rolling two yellows, one green, one blue and three purple. So five successes and one threat.

Nick: So I would say, obviously the negotiation - Opal is completely sold on that she's going to hire them, the threat is, her impression is that they aren't necessarily super knowledgeable about X Bikes or Sasnak society, so she is going to try to pull a fast one, as far as like payment, trying to do a shell game with installments, or upon promise of success with unfair requirements, something like that.

Cameron (as Opal): So I am assuming that this hot shot racer, you have - Miss Shard, was her name? - has a bike?

Kit: Birdie will turn her focus to Emma and smile and nod, thinking about the definitely not ready for X Biking, nor really X Bike applicable motorcycles that they have stored away in their storage unit within Sasnak.

Kit (as Birdie): We definitely already have a bike for Cassidy that we can use your mechanic friends to get it all fixed up from the last race that we worked, right Emma?

Cameron (as Emma): Um yes, I - I have mechanic contacts within the city, and I do know the bike that would be available. It is not currently one of the ones in Miss Shard's possession. The bikes that she owns are more for long form racing at this time, there was an accident with the previous X Bike level maneuverability bike. But yes, we do have contacts with a bike available.

Kit (as Birdie): Perfect!

Cameron (as Emma): And have the know how to get it in tip top shape.

Penn (as Marathon): And I cannot overstate how good Cassidy Shard is.

Kit (as Birdie): Yep, seconding Marathon.

Penn (as Marathon): [intense exhale] Ooh!

Penn: Marathon at this point just turns her back to the conversation with her hands on her hips and takes a couple steps away, her face red.

Cameron (as Emma): Marathon is kind of a huge fan of Miss Shard.

Kit (as Birdie): Oh yes.

Cameron (as Emma): Mostly, here as a groupie.

Cameron (as Opal): I see. Well, if you have a bike available, and I have a racing slot needing to be filled, I'm I'm sure we, we can come to an arrangement that as long as it ends with Carbon and Wander being humiliated and crushed into the dirt, I'll be quite pleased.

Kit (as Birdie): We love nothing more than to help you with that. As soon as we can exchange our mutually agreed upon contracts and get everything in order, we'll be happy to do business with you, Councilwoman.

Kit: And Birdie will smile winningly and to hold out a hand for Opal to shake.

Cameron (as Opal): Of course. Never does well to have my lawyers attend these types of gatherings, so

Kit (as Birdie): Of course.

Cameron (as Opal): We can discuss that later.

Cameron: And Opal extends her hand to shake, and it is the hand that is decked out like a flamingo head.

Kit: Birdie ends up giving up on a normal handshake and grasping Opal’s hand lightly where Opal's fingers are resting atop her hand, and she'll lean in and as seriously as she can possibly manage, give a little kiss to the top of the flamingo head on Opal's knuckles.

Kit (as Birdie): Pleasure doing business with you, ma'am.

Cameron (as Opal): Yes, yes. Come - come by my office in the next few days. I'll have my secretary note down that you'll be coming.

Kit (as Birdie): Perfect.

Kit: And Birdie will turn to make an exit before Councilwoman Opal can change her mind.

Nick: The Patina moves away from Opal's sphere of influence and looks to find something to do for the rest of the evening to pass the time until it's socially acceptable to leave, hopefully to make additional contacts. And we move from that to Janus, having made her way to the vent, ready to accomplish her goal.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] [centering breath] Okay. I'm ready. Are you ready?

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Yeah I’m tapped in. As soon as you get the box open, I can start running the bypass software and make it ready to be connected.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Alrighty. Okay.

Cameron: Janus slowly pushes the vent out into the room that has this item that Winifred needs her to get to to interface with in it.

Nick: Janus, the room that you find yourself in is fairly sparse. The walls are covered in white plaster and unadorned. There are several knee high tables with small consoles on them, and then you see what you can only assume is your target in a large metal box affixed to the far wall.

Cameron: As quietly as she can, Janus scootches out of the vent until she's hanging from the edge by her fingers and then drops down onto the ground.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] All right. Metal box, yes?

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Yes. Get that open.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] All righty.

Cameron: Janus walks over and looks around it for a minute figuring out how the panels are set up as someone who does not do a ton with technology and locates the latch for what appears to be the biggest panel and opens it up.

Nick: The latch is locked, but with a lock that's so simple that you would imagine it's just to prevent it from being opened by accident. It's not even really a security measure.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Cute.

Nick: And you're able to pop this section open and are greeted by a disheartening array of wires in a rainbow of colors. Some are faintly glowing with LED lighting, and none of them appear to be organized in any way. You are currently looking at rainbow spaghetti.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Pretty. All right, walk me through. What am I looking for here, Winifred?

Sydney: Winifred, back in the closet where she's based out of, flips her tablet over from the security that she had disabled to open a path for Janus to the full schematic for the insertion point that she was able to previously gain access to.

Nick: So Winifred, having pulled up the schematic in an attempt to describe this to Janus in a way that's useful for her, go ahead and make me a hard Wild Tech roll with a black die because you are trying to describe something you are not looking at physically.

Sydney: Can I have a blue die because Winifred and Janus have a very strong working relationship and this is something they've done a lot in the past?

Nick: Yes, you sure can.

Sydney: So then I am rolling Winifred's four yellows in Wild Tech and a blue against three purples and a black.

[dice rolling]

Sydney: Five successes and an advantage.

Nick: Wow. Okay, yeah, with that amount of successes, you are very easily able to tell this to Janus to a point where she isn't going to need to make any sort of check to follow your instructions. And I think the advantage is that the port is higher capacity than you were expecting, so you will be able to get even more information than you originally expected.

Sydney: So Winifred, figuring that she doesn't know who had been managing this access port before and that it is probably a giant mess, had come up with a plan to get her hardware attached that didn't rely on cable management or visibility being super good in the first place and had traced through looking to directly interface with the access ports and kind of displace what had already been there, so as long as you could get to the port, that would work. And so over the radio,

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] So four ports down on the top right, there's a color change from a green to a tan on the backboard.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Please hold while I move spaghetti.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Is it that bad?

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] It is. It is. It is worse than you're picturing, Win. It's awful. Okay, proceed.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] [small groan] Okay, so,

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Yes beige. Found beige. Tan? Mhm. That color.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Good. Then one left and one down from that.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Sure.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Is there something plugged in there?

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Uh yes. It's a blue wire with kind of bright blue white LEDs.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Fortunately, it doesn't matter what color it is. We're just going to -

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Okay well I didn't know.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] So take the fob, hold it so that the top is facing you - there's a port on the left and there's a port on the right.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Mhm.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Plug in the cable you just described into the left side of that.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Okay.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] And then the other cable in the bag, plug into the right side of the fob and then into the port that we just unplugged.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Okay.

Cameron: Janus is taking stuff out of her bag and starts connecting things up.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Okay, now go down - just start at the bottom right corner.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Okay.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Go four plugs over until it switches from the small plugs to the big plugs.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Yep.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] And now swap in - uh unplug that. Don't be worried if the lights turn off for a second. Plug in my other plug.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Wait. The lights in the room? Or the lights like on -

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Just the lights on the panel.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Okay, okay.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] The lights in the room maybe if the whoever was managing it was very - doing not a good job.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Cool. Great. All right, sorry. Continue. Unplug this one. Mhm.

Sydney: Do the lights in the room go out?

Nick: Yeah, go ahead and roll me a Fortune die to see if the lights are going to turn off.

Cameron: One Misfortune.

Nick: Yes, the lights turn off.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Hmm. Lights are off. Okay.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] [disappointed in this other engineer] Oh.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] What am I plugging this back into?

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Okay, well whoever was there was worse at this job than I am by much.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Obviously.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Well and with your headlamp you can see, it's not a big deal. Um. So the other cable in the bag with the big end?

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Mhm.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Plug that into the port we just unplugged and then plug the cable you that you just unplugged it into the pass through.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] All righty.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Lights should come back on.

Nick: The lights do indeed come back on.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Nice.

Nick: I need you, Janus, to roll me a hard Coordination check with a black die because it is currently dark.

Cameron: Can I have a blue die because I came prepared with a headlamp?

Nick: Sure.

Cameron: Janus' roll will be four yellows, three purple, one black, and one blue.

[dice rolling]

Cameron: One success, three advantages, and a triumph.

Nick: Great. So you as soon as the lights come on, are able to pull your hands out of the way and I will let you decide what the Triumph does for this mission. The advantage is that it doesn't damage anything as well. But when the lights blinked off, you felt movement in the box where you were digging around as you were messing with these plugs and you pulled your hands out of the way and you can see that there is a small swarm of about finger length wild tech bots that are infesting this box and became active when the lights turned off and looked like they were trying to bite you or inject you with something but they missed. Your an old hand at this and the small tech roaches did not do anything negative to you.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Oh gross! There's bugs!

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Like spiders?

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Your kind of bugs.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Oh. Software?

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Yes, but if they were hardware. I meant wild tech.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Oh!

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Winifred.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Wild tech bugs.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Yeah.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Yes. Well, I'm glad you're fine. Because you're a professional. Okay.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Mhm. I'm not at all grossed out by bugs.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Well, the good news is we're almost done. The other end of that cable that we just plugged in?

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Yes?

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Stick it into the bottom of the fob.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] I thought I did already.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] That was the data cable. This is power.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] I thought that's why the lights came back on.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] No the lights came back in the room because we plugged the room power back in.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Okay, hold on. Let me find this wire you're talking about. [laughing] Okay, yes. Where am I putting it?

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] At the bottom of the fob -

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Mhm.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] There's a little round hole,

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Yes.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] That should match the other end of the power cable that we just plugged in.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Okay. Connected.

Sydney: Winifred waits a couple of seconds for telemetry to kick in.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Okay, yeah, it looks like I'm good. And bandwidth is higher than I thought too.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Cool.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Okay, hide that in the back behind the spaghetti. And we're good.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] [laugh] We're totally fine. No one has opened this in eons.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Perfect.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] But yes, I will hide the spaghetti.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Come on back. We'll see what we need to do about the uh, Juno box problem.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] [sigh]

Cameron: Janus, while avoiding the techno bugs, squishes all of the wires back into their spaghetti mess, making sure that the fobs that she just inserted in between some of them are behind the mess of other wires so it's not easily noticeable when you look at inside and shuts the panel and re locks the top little wimpy lock and turns and looks towards the vent.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] [sigh] Okay. Where is the room that I mean in relation to you right now?

Nick: So the answer to that you had to take the long way around in the vents. Janus is probably two rooms over from the storage room, where are you all broke in here. So probably like 30 feet in a specific direction, like as the crow flies.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Uh, I mean if you're if you're talking like global coordinates, maybe 30-40 feet away, but you had to go really far around.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Mhm.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] I mean, you have a good eye for map things, [chuckle] or at least for following directions.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Yeah. Um. I'm wondering if it would just be easier to glitch directly to you rather than trying to glitch past all of the lovely security Juno turned back on for me in the vents.

Sydney: Winifred blows out. This is a hard problem to weigh that she's thinking back in that storage room, but it doesn't come across over the radio.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] I mean, I have building access. I can probably get everything locally entrained and make it easier for you, if you think that's better.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Make which one easier?

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Glitching.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Yeah well - oh -

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Is that better than having to get back through? I guess I could route you all the way around somewhere. Or - we don't know what else is in vents.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] Well and there - there is another vent in here, but the one I came through like there's not another turn off from this room before the lasers start. Like it that was the direct path - [laugh]

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] Yeah.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] - that the lasers are there. So I can't go through that one. So I don't know - it would be climbing through the other one trying to work my way back over to you.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] I mean, I can see if I can scout a route or you can try to get directly here, your call.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] [sigh] Is it bad that I'm leaning towards glitching because Juno told me not to?

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] I mean it's Juno's fault that you're having to, so.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] That is true. That's what I'm thinking.

Sydney (as Winifred): [over radio] All right, let me get things set up.

Cameron (as Janus): [over radio] All right. Thank you.

Sydney: Winifred flips over to a bare command terminal and starts rapidly typing.

Cameron: In her room, Janus pushes a chair over to the vent and closes it back up again, and then puts the chair back where it was.

Nick: As Janus and Winifred prepare Janus' escape, we see that the party continues in full swing. Cassidy - what have you been up to as the rest of the Patina negotiates a new contract and you see that they are now currently making their way towards the dance floor?

Sydney: So at the point where the announcement was made, Gwendolyn had gotten up and Cassidy had temporarily lost sight of her because as soon as she let her guard down to see what was going on, and the music had resumed, she promptly got caught up in the swarm of people who both were simpering for Gwendolyn and impressed by her previously demonstrated dancing skills, and was taken by a back to back flurry of courtiers and all of the animals in the agridomes, spinning her off and around and leaving her no choice but to continue with the showy dancing that she not entirely on purpose had demonstrated earlier with Winifred. The Patina finishes their conversation before she manages to pry herself away, and she also catches the sight of Gwendolyn.

Nick: As you were getting close to the Patina you see that Gwendolyn has managed to catch up to Wander where he is standing in an empty space on the floor. No one will approach him and Gwendolyn appears to be yelling at him and gesticulating wildly.

Penn (As Gwendolyn): [yelling] For the love of god, if you're going to come back to life, don't do it at the party!

Nick: You're able to catch up with the Patina as they make their way away from Opal and your paths intersect on the edge of the dance floor. You all realize that you have been separated in various groups throughout the night and this is the first time that all of you have been together in quite a while. And as everyone is visibly trying to decide what news needs to be shared first, a new song begins to play and dancers begin to move in a complex organized dance that weirdly looks familiar to most of you. The moves are simple. You figure you can pick up the choreography very quickly, but it looks like one of those dances where everybody does a set of dance moves together and then changes partners and you all are right next to the dance floor.

Penn: Marathon peaks around and sees this as a prime opportunity and holds out one hand to Cassidy.

Penn (as Marathon): Miss Cassidy, would you share a silly pre choreographed quadrille dance with me?

Sydney: Cassidy blows out a deep breath, her desire for a break warring with the novel desire to spend more time with Marathon, and decides that the amount of dancing that she's been doing, while a lot, was not a match for the conditioning that she generally puts herself through for staying in shape reasons anyway, and one more dance is fine. And she takes Marathon's hand

Sydney (as Cassidy): Sure spin me around.

Penn (as Marathon): Oh, Miss Cassidy you're already seeming a little little breathy. Maybe I should prescribe some balcony time for you after this right? [hopeful chuckle]

Sydney (as Cassidy): That would be great. Yeah, let- [laughing] get me off the dance floor and away from the crowds.

Penn (as Marathon): I'll uh dance ya over to the balcony doors. How about that?

Sydney (as Cassidy): Perfect.

Sydney: And she gives Emma and Birdie a wave as they disappear into the dance floor festivities.

Cameron: Emma returns it with a little mock salute.

Kit: Birdie will wiggle her fingers and teasingly grin.

Nick: As Marathon and Cassidy spin away onto the dance floor, Emma, you see the nephew of Councilor Opal, Rye, at your shoulder and he politely nods to you and says,

Nick (as Rye): I'm sure you've been very tired so far with everyone wanting to dance and looks like negotiate, but could I maybe have one more time on the dance floor with you, Emma?

Cameron (as Emma): Of course!

Nick (as Rye): Wonderful. I really do appreciate it.

Nick: And he grabs your hand and they spin off and Birdie you are left alone with no social obligations.

Kit: Birdie will give a similar sort of wave and grin to Emma and call after her to say

Kit (as Birdie): Well have fun~!

Kit: And will look very smug and proud of herself before taking stock of her surroundings and trying to see if there's either an opening or if the table with food on it seems to be worth a second trip.

Nick: As you are looking to see if the snack table is unoccupied, you see someone at the edge of your vision politely waiting to be noticed.

Sydney: As you turn around to see this figure that has been waiting, you're greeted by what looks like if a military uniform was crossed with a bird of prey. It is sharply tailored with black at the collar and down the arms, which are trailed by small wings and a white chest with buttons down the center tucked into trousers that have a modeled black and white color with sharp dress boots that rather than having talons, when this figure steps they click like metal talons hitting the floor, which is also the click of military dress boots. On their face they have a mask with a long black beak and feathers in gray forming a circular almost crown behind the back of their head. And this beak looks down at you imposingly from a position a few inches above your head.

Sydney (as Karma): May I have this dance?

Kit: Birdie for about two seconds is in her own head having a very intense freakout before she realizes that she's standing there with her jaw dropped and closes her mouth, looks behind her once very quickly.

Sydney: The figure's head tilts in a very avian gesture.

Kit (as Birdie): [stumbling over words] Yes, yes. Um I'd love that.

Kit: And Birdie will offer her hand and then switch the hand and then nod as she's starting to regain composure.

Sydney: This figure's hands are calloused like they work with their hands a lot and it is a strong grip that carries you out onto the dance floor.

Nick: As the dance spins and continues, Emma, you find that Rye is still almost the perfect dance partner. He is able to keep up and his focus seems to be on displaying your dancing skills as best he can.

Nick (as Rye): I hope you haven't been bored by the whole situation.

Cameron (as Emma): The whole situation being this party?

Nick (as Rye): Yeah. Well, and I saw you talking to my aunt.

Cameron (as Emma): Mm. Mhm.

Nick (as Rye): She's sort of a forceful lady. Hopefully she didn't beat you up too bad. Sorry for that. If there's any - if you need me to put in a good word for you or anything, just let me know.

Cameron (as Emma): You know, actually, she was rather pleasant overall.

Nick (as Rye): Um...

Cameron (as Emma): Maybe a wee bit miffed that that other Councilor magically reappeared.

Nick (as Rye): Do you know that at her home office they have multiples of the same vase so that she can smash one against the wall and it doesn't impact the interior decoration?

Cameron (as Emma): No, but I kind of love that idea.

Nick (as Rye): Yeah. The creativity that someone finds in spending more money than they can make sense with is pretty interesting, I would say.

Nick: And next we see Marathon and Cassidy as they spin by Rye and Emma.

Penn (as Marathon): [sounding proud] And that's how we got you into the X Bike competition.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Oh, Marathon. I - good charm?

Penn (as Marathon): Seamless.

Sydney (as Cassidy): And I hope that I can live up to your tall tales.

Penn (as Marathon): Birdie said very - it was it was seamless talk about your amazing skills in a way that you if you weren't good, it would also be okay.

Sydney (as Cassidy): Great. I will - when we are in the morning, I will go start making sure I know all of the X Bike maneuvers.

Penn (as Marathon): You know, I'm a lot less dead than I thought I would be telling you what happened, so I appreciate that, Miss Cassidy.

Sydney (as Cassidy): You did accomplish the mission. [sigh]

Sydney: They go through a couple of steps and spins and rotations.

Penn (as Marathon): Told you I could dance, and I didn't know you could, but you seem to be out shining most of the people on the floor.

Sydney (as Cassidy): I'm doing a really good job of faking a lot of things right now.

Penn (as Marathon): It's that natural Shard dexterity.

Sydney (as Cassidy): It's it's definitely something. At least they can't see my face.

Nick: And we see Birdie and her suitor dancing by doing a complicated double step that is still fitting within the dance, but seems to be the advanced version of it.

Sydney (as Karma): Are you new in town? I don't recognize you.

Kit (as Birdie): No. No, I grew up here, actually. Um

Sydney (as Karma): Oh?

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah. Yeah, I just um -left town on complicated circumstances? [awkward laugh]

Sydney (as Karma): Well, I'm glad you're able to make it back.

Kit: Birdie will look up at the mask of her suitor a bit more intently as of trying to make out whether or not she's correct in who her guess of the person belonging to this voice is.

Kit (as Birdie): I'm sorry. You~ sound familiar~?

Sydney (as Karma): Well, if you went through the Ramp, you would have potentially talked to me. I'm actually an officer.

Kit (as Birdie): [voice breaks as gay panic sets in] Oh! [flustered noises] Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Mhm.

Sydney (as Karma): Hence the outfit. This is a harpy eagle.

Kit (as Birdie): [squeak]

Kit: Is there a certain amount of pips or any color denoting their station on their jacket that Birdie can see?

Sydney: Yeah, so on the front of it, it looks like with how much time you had spent either talking to Ramp Girls or looking at posters of Ramp Girls in your room,

Kit: [dreamy sigh]

Sydney: You would be able to recognize the insignia that marks a colonel in the Ramp Girls. A quite high position, but one that would make sense for an attendee of this party.

Kit (as Birdie): Oh. Um so yes, you're higher, higher up. [voice goes hoarse throughout the next line] We might have met a few times, maybe.

Sydney: And as they do a press up against each other and then a spin off and then re meeting this other figure, her head tilts again in that avian way, as she also tries to tell if she can recognize the voice.

Kit (as Birdie): Do I get a hint?

Sydney (as Karma): I often bring what's coming to people.

Sydney: And flaps a wing and strikes a talon to perhaps evoke a little bit more of the predator flair in their outfit.

Kit: As they pass one another off to different partners, realization courses through Birdie's mind and she stumbles a bit before taking a hold of her next partner, as she now understands that she does in fact, know this person.

Nick: And the song hits the part where everybody changes partners and everyone is shuffled around.

Penn: As Cassidy and Marathon continue their dance, the time to switch partners during this pre choreographed routine is fastly approaching, and so Marathon quickly shuffles them towards the balcony doors at the edge of the dance floor that overlook the city.

Penn (as Marathon): Looks like our stop is here. Mind if I join you?

Sydney (as Cassidy): No let's get out of here.

Penn (as Marathon): Sounds good to me. Getting stuffy.

Penn: And the two slip through the balcony doors.

Nick: Birdie as the person who you have suddenly recognized is spun away into someone else's arms, you find yourself dancing with the extremely handsome gentleman that was previously dancing with Emma and he smiles broadly and matches himself to your movements and says,

Nick (as Rye): Hey, oh, sorry - first: Hi, I'm Rye. You look lovely this evening.

Kit (as Birdie): Thank you. You're Emma's guy.

Nick (as Rye): Yeah, th- thank you for bringing up the topic I was hoping to sashay to very closely.

Could you maybe tell me a little more about her? Do you know if she's spoken for or anything? She's amazing.

Kit: Birdie will make a face and through the mask, Rye can see her lips scrunch up and her eyes narrow just a bit.

Nick (as Rye): Oh, I'm sorry. I just - I had seen that you two were talking earlier. I assumed you were friends. I - hopefully that wasn't rude.

Kit (as Birdie): Oh, we are.

Nick (as Rye): Oh, well. Great.

Kit (as Birdie): What do you want to know?

Nick (as Rye): Oh, I just I was hoping maybe to see her again. Some way to contact her.

Kit (as Birdie): Hmm.

Nick (as Rye): Something like that. I normally I'm not like this. Normally at a at a ball I mostly just stand off to the side but she's really forced me out of my shell in a way that's refreshing. I'm realizing I'm sounding a little creepy here.

Nick: He almost steps on your foot and then recovers.

Nick (as Rye): I promise, my intentions are noble. I just have enjoyed talking to her.

Kit (as Birdie): Aww. Well. So if you want to see her again, you might have a good chance at the mechanics row. She's been working there like a lot recently. I mean, you know when she's going to be spending a lot more time there because um, we're racing for one of - the flamingo councilwoman. Is that one - is that the one that you're - I just know that you're rich, okay?

Nick (as Rye): Oh sparks. You're joining my aunt's X Bike team?

Kit (as Birdie): Yeah, we wanted some contacts.

Nick: And with a look of shock on his face, Birdie and Rye enter the next steps of the dance as Emma, you are dancing with the bird-like person who had been dancing with Birdie before.

Cameron (as Emma): Hello. Oh, I love your outfit. You're uh, an eagle, right?

Sydney (as Karma): Yes!

Cameron (as Emma): Harpy eagle?

Sydney (as Karma): You got it in one.

Cameron (as Emma): I'm getting good at this today.

Sydney (as Karma): How many have you guessed?

Cameron (as Emma): Um, oh, gosh, I don't know. I have lost out. Many. Can I - can I just say many?

Sydney (as Karma): Well, you must be very observant.

Cameron (as Emma): I just really like the costumes. [laughing]

Sydney (as Karma): There are a lot of fun ones out tonight.

Cameron (as Emma): Mhm and they're so much more interesting than normal clothes.

Sydney (as Karma): Upsides of uniforms is you only have to wear the uniform.

Cameron (as Emma): That is true. It does make picking out an outfit easier in the morning. But I do love how you've incorporated the uniform into your outfit though. It adds a very commanding presence.

Sydney (as Karma): I am a commanding person.

Cameron (as Emma): Then it suits.

Sydney (as Karma): Are you new in town? I saw you talking to Opal.

Cameron (as Emma): Yes. We've been here a few weeks now. Yes, we're we're going to be working with her for the X Bike tournament that's coming up at some point.

Sydney (as Karma): That's convenient since she just lost her champion.

Cameron (as Emma): You know the timing did work out rather well for us there. Um.

Sydney: There is another inquisitive head tilt at just how convenient it was.

Cameron (as Emma): It's really weird that the other dude - I thought he was dead. I heard I've been hearing rumors all night that Opal killed the dude. And then he just like showed up.

Sydney (as Karma): That was what I had heard as well.

Cameron (as Emma): Is that a frequent occurrence?

Sydney (as Karma): What happens behind closed Council doors is not for us to know.

Cameron (as Emma): Okay. Everyone just seemed weirdly chill about a man coming back to life. [laugh]

Sydney (as Karma): Publicity stunts.

Cameron (as Emma): Seems rather dramatic, but whatever keeps you in the news, I guess.

Sydney (as Karma): Any publicity is good publicity for them.

Cameron (as Emma): It must be nice to be wealthy enough that that is a true statement. Anyway, sorry, I I started off this conversation just jumping straight to the point of your costume without introducing myself. Hello, lovely to meet you. My name is Emma

Sydney (as Karma): Colonel Karma Jones, at your service.

Cameron: Emma's eyes widen slightly in recognition of part of the name, but she just smiles back and says

Cameron (as Emma): Lovely to meet you.

Sydney: You definitely caught the tip of Karma's wing try to flick as if she was going to do a formal salute or a parade stance and then fought against it because you are in the middle of dancing.

Nick: The song winds down with the second set of partners and comes to a triumphant conclusion as everyone pauses to bow and curtsy. And Emma you are slammed from behind by somebody and hear the tinkle of broken glass and you turn around to see somebody in a formal suit wearing an elongated horsehead mask. And he has champagne down the front of his suit and is holding two broken flutes and looks you up and down and says

Nick (as Aubergine): Well aren't you going to apologize?

Cameron: Emma had fallen forward and been caught by Karma and is standing fully back up because they were just bowing and curtsying to each other when she got hit.

Sydney: Karma helps her stand back up, the peak of manners.

Cameron: Emma turns and looks at the horse man.

Cameron (as Emma): Yes, terribly sorry.

Nick (as Aubergine): You know on second thought, I don't think an apology is enough. You have ruined my clothes and you were entirely out of line and I demand satisfaction. This party was too slow anyway.

Nick: And he pulls off a white glove and tosses it at you and it bounces off your chest and onto the floor. And there is a startled gasp from the people around you, Emma.

Cameron: Emma gives a very confused look to Karma.

Sydney (as Karma): It's a flimsy reason, but you're being challenged to a duel. If you don't have a weapon I would recommend finding one.

Sydney: And Karma turns on her heel in a sharp about face and begins pushing back spectators to clear a space for the regulation citizens duel of Sasnak.

Nick: Emma, you find yourself standing in the middle of a rapidly growing clearing in the dance floor with you and this drunk horse man, and you see the First Sword of Sasnak hurrying in your direction.

Penn: The clank of Gwendolyn's heavy metal armor begins to become the loudest sound in this area as she finally arrives a little winded.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): [winded] You gotta tell me when these things are gonna happen, okay? Sir Aubergine you - you know you have to get me -

Penn: Gwendolyn's trying to catch her breath.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Aubergine - you can't do this like every function. [tired of this bullshit]

Nick (as Aubergine): Oh, I was just looking for your First Sword. Thank you.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Yep.

Nick (as Aubergine): I - we will be dueling.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Uh huh.

Nick (as Aubergine): If you could start the formalities please.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Of course.

Nick (as Aubergine): There will be blood and satisfaction, etc.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Well, it's every citizens right, so

Nick (as Aubergine): And I'm a citizen!

Penn: Gwendolyn pulls her sword out from the sheath on her back.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Okay. Everyone, state your weapon. Aubergine?

Nick (as Aubergine): Oh, the combat will be -

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Your weapon?

Nick (as Aubergine): - with heavy heavy ax.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Heavy ax. Okay. Um, you. You're - who are you?

Cameron (as Emma): Um, my name is - my name is Emma Blackwood.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Oh, shoot, you're one of -

Cameron (as Emma): Uh huh.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): You know - yeah, you're one of Cassidy's. Okay.

Cameron (as Emma): Yeah, terribly sorry, First Sword, but I know nothing of what is going on.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Uh state your weapon. You're set to duel Clancy Aubergine. It's, it's the citizens right. It's - look, I'm just here to make sure it goes well. I'm rooting for you, but what's your weapon?

Cameron (as Emma): Sword if I can find one.

Nick: Rye appears out of the crowd and is walking quickly towards you, Emma, and he waves at you and then turns to Gwendolyn.

Nick (as Rye): First Sword she just got here. This is ridiculous. Allow her to appoint a second. I will I will fight in her stead.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Rye I appreciate the sentiment but non-citizens cannot appoint a second, so I'll kindly ask you -

Nick (as Rye): [groan]

Penn (as Gwendolyn): You can leave her with the sword of course.

Nick (as Rye): Well.

Cameron (as Emma): A sword would be terribly helpful.

Nick (as Rye): Oh, of course. A man is happy to oblige any ladies request. If you give me just a second, do you? Uh, I don't want to make any assumptions here. Do you have any sword fighting experience? Do you have a specific weight- ?

Cameron (as Emma): Do you have a long sword or a great sword, preferably one about the size of Gwendolyn's?

Nick: His eyebrows go up so far you can see them above his mask.

Kit: Birdie, who has gotten lost in the crowd because she happens to be about half a foot shorter than most people there, finally shoves her way through the last person and runs up to see that Rye and Emma are already talking things out. And she knows the fact that citizens do generally have access to a broad range of weapons at these sorts of parties just in case of security malfunctions, so her posture does relax.

Nick: Rye snaps his fingers and somebody hurries over to him wearing a nondescript mask and what looks to be server clothes and he whispers to them and they whisper back urgently and he shakes his head and says

Nick (as Rye): She said a great sword. Get her a great sword.

Nick: And the server shrugs and runs off. And he smiles nervously at Birdie and Gwendolyn and Emma and says,

Nick (as Rye): Alright, I know I can't exactly be here for this, but Emma, if there's anything I can do to help, I am happy to do so. And your sword should be arriving momentarily, I guess.

Cameron (as Emma): Cool. I appreciate it. Do you mind explaining exactly how duels work?

Nick (as Rye): Um, yeah.

Cameron (as Emma): Fantastic. Thank you.

Cameron: Emma has started removing her mask and gloves.

Nick (as Rye): So the first thing that you need to know is um, try not to kill him because that's the way you get into more duels. You're going to want them to give up.

Nick: And Emma as you are getting prepared, much faster than you expect, the server that Rye summoned comes back with a simple but well made great sword that they appear to be struggling to hold up and bring it over to you and present it without saying anything.

Cameron (as Emma): Thank you.

Cameron: Emma reaches out with her right hand and picks the sword up. Starts testing the weight and seeing how it differs from her sword that she's used to.

Nick: The balance is pretty good. It's not as heavy as the sword that you're used to, so that's something to account for, but it should work just fine.

Cameron: Emma does a few slow practice lunges as she's testing it out and then nods.

Cameron (as Emma): Alright, this will work.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Yep, state your weapon.

Cameron: Emma says

Cameron (as Emma): Sword.

Cameron: To Gwendolyn and then turns to Birdie.

Cameron (as Emma): Could you help me figure out something to do with my skirt? [laugh]

Kit: And Birdie's immediately attuned to trying to help Emma with whatever she might need.

Kit (as Birdie): Ah, are you - do you want to like cut it? Do you want to tuck it in a way? Do you want to try and - what do we want to do here?

Cameron (as Emma): Honestly, I have no idea.

Kit (as Birdie): It's such a gorgeous dress.

Cameron (as Emma): It's true.

Kit (as Birdie): You might never wear it again, though.

Cameron (as Emma): I mean, I, I think it's - I can move pretty well in it. It's light, like I've got - it's not constricting my legs at all, but I would like to make it so that there's not a train to step on.

Kit (as Birdie): Okay.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): You've got about a 30 second consort time left.

Kit (as Birdie): Okay, I'll help you tuck it in, okay?

Cameron (as Emma): Great.

Kit: And Birdie will travel around and start folding up and tucking parts of Emma's dress strategically to try and minimize the amount of available fabric there is to give her a disadvantage.

Penn: Gwendolyn finishes filling out what looks to be a small piece of paper on a notepad and rips it out holding it up.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): All right. Duelers do you accept the laws of Sasnak and all the conflict resolution that combat entails?

Nick (as Aubergine): Of course I do.

Cameron (as Emma): Yes?

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Okay. On your marks.

Nick (as Aubergine): Wait, wait.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Aubergine.

Nick: Emma and Gwendolyn you see that Clancy Aubergine is not holding a heavy ax and he has pulled the horse mask up to show a sallow face with deep bags under his bloodshot eyes at his fanning at his face and he says

Nick (as Aubergine): I think I am unable to continue. I shall be appointing a second.

Nick: And he points behind him and looming out of the crowd is a giant of a man, maybe seven feet tall. He is wearing a dress vest over a shirt that has already given up its battle in concealing his arms and you can see that through the tears in the shirt, there are scars visible from previous fights, and he is holding a huge great ax in one hand like it's nothing. He is wearing a mask made out of a bear head that has been taxidermied with the mouth open snarling and you can see a grizzled face peering out of the bears face and Aubergine says

Nick (as Aubergine): My second will be my head of security. He will step in for me.

Penn (as Gwendolyn): Name?

Nick (as Aubergine): Oh, he's he's been with the family for forever - what was his? This is Atlas. Atlas Bloodfeast.

Kit (as Birdie): [whisper] Bloodfeast?!

Penn (as Gwendolyn): For fucks sake. Okay. Well, Emma Blackwood I hope your dodge roll was pretty good. Okay. Duelers at the ready.

Cameron: Emma with her dress now bustled steps forward, holding her borrowed great sword and rolls her neck.

Nick: There is no way that the ground is shaking with the steps of this guy, like this is a very solid building- that's not how it works, but you can't help but imagine it a little as he steps opposite of you.

[hurdy gurdy music swells]


Penn (as Marathon): Welcome back folks, you’re tuned to Going the Distance: Traveler’s Guide on road dial 1558. That’s a wrap on today’s log and we’re set to loop after these considerations. Further detail for the following is cataloged in the show notes.

This has been A Knight of Shreds and Patches, an actual play podcast using the Genesys game system from Fantasy Flight Games. The show is edited by Sydney Whittington, and features the talents of:

Kit Adames as Birdie. Kit can be found on Twitter and Instagram @ venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor for Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.

Penn Van Batavia as Marathon. She can be found on Twitter @ acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram @ Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE IT OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at

Sydney Whittington as Cassidy. Sydney can be found on our Discord server, which is linked in the show notes, and on Twitter @ sydney_whitt. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast.

Cameron Robertson as Emma. Cameron can be found on Twitter @ midnightmusic13 and on Instagram @ reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.

And Nick Robertson as narrator. Nick can be found on Twitter @ alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron. Nick can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.

This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at You can find Arne at

The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on Instagram and Artstation @ rashedjrs.

You can follow the Patina on Twitter @ akosap_podcast or visit the website: To further support the show, consider joining the Patreon at, where we’ll be bringing you weekly content including bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.

Until you tune back…

…stay bold and stay kind


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