Transcript: Season 3 Episode 62: Fight Your Own Battles

A Knight of Shreds and Patches Transcript  

Season 3 Episode 62: Fight Your Own Battles

Transcript by Cameron Robertson

Intro:  

[hurdy gurdy music begins]

Nick: Welcome, listeners, to A Knight of Shreds and Patches. An immersive actual play podcast. This episode features the talents of –

Penn:  Penn Van Batavia as Marathon Messenger and Gwendolyn Rozenthall.

Kit: Kit Adames as Birdie Foundling and Vaus Foundling.

Cameron: Cameron Robertson as Emma Blackwood and Janus Foundling.

Sydney: Sydney Whittington as Cassidy Shard and Winifred Foundling.

Nick: Nick Robertson as GM and Narrator.

Sydney: Hello listeners, this is your editor, Sydney, with today’s messages:

We’re back for another edition of Pride! Wave those rainbows, kiss those partners, pick up those strangers. However you choose to celebrate, remember that our forebears didn’t sit silently by to get the rights we enjoy today, and preserve that spirit in the face of our current world. Queer joy is an act of resistance.

And if you want some queer content to listen to while you’re marching, or participating in any other activities, consider backing our Patreon, which gives you access to bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.

And with that, we wrap up today’s announcements and head into Season 3, Episode 62: Fight Your Own Battles. And so…

“Join us, for now our tale to yours attaches

To carry hope: a Knight of Shreds and Patches.”

[hurdy gurdy music ends]

[electronic beeping]  

[robotic powerup noise begins]  

Distorted Robotic Voice: Power restored. Systems online. Reconfiguring audio connection.  

[robotic powerup noise fades to radio frequency static]

[over radio]  

Cameron (as Emma):  Last time on a Knight of Shreds and Patches, I was taking a day to prioritize some relaxation and selfcare. I did a facemask, I did a deep conditioning treatment on my hair, I painted my nails, put some cucumber slices over my eyes and took a nap - although I have no idea why that’s a thing…kinda just seems like a waste of food? Whatever. Not too long after I finished painting my nails, Rye showed up and asked me to be his second in a duel for Opal Corp. Apparently if the duel is fancy enough they have you bring seconds to avenge you if something terrible happens and to dissuade the other side from cheating. I’m concerned that this Mansfield guy Rye mentioned will swap somebody in like that horse guy did during our duel. Birdie and Winifred took a bet on it, and I think Winifred is going to win cause I just feel like someone who can seriously call themselves “Ruby Stone” would avoid going into a fight to the death themselves. Just a vibe I’m getting. ALSO! I did not know Rye’s family name was Stone. I’m not sure how I missed that on all our contracts with Opal. Freaking Opal Stone. Oh my gosh. I can’t wait to tell Marathon.  Anyway, at least I’m properly dressed, armored, and armed for a duel this time around even if I probably won’t be fighting. Rye says he’ll be fine, buuut like I said earlier, the concerns. I have them.

[radio static]

Episode Start:  

Nick:  So even on short notice, a duel in the X-Bike Stadium draws a good-sized crowd, as dusk falls over Sasnak Traveling. The atmosphere is very different from the X-Bike races - a little more somber, a little more anticipatory - as in the center of the stadium a raised circle is placed and the duelists find themselves standing in the center of the arena. On one side is Rye and Emma, and on the other side we see Ruby Stone, or Mansfield as Rye calls him, standing seemingly alone at this point. Between the two groups is Gwendolyn preparing to officiate over the duel, as is one of her main traditional roles as the First Sword of Sasnak.

Penn:  Gwendolyn has her sword out in front of her - it's massive, it's over half the length of her body. She's holding it out with both hands, yet she makes it look effortless. She's in her gleaming armor, very thick and shiny, and behind her shoulders and her silver braid, we see the crowd starting to hush. 

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  Rydentarius - Rye, state your second.

Nick (as Rye):  Yes, I have with me Emma Blackwood as my second.

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  Welcome back, Emma. Ruby Stone, state your second.

Cameron (as Ruby):  My second will be Ruby Stone.

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  I see. I didn't realize you were going to be fighting yourself. A lot of respect for that. Okay.

Cameron (as Ruby):  But I think you've misunderstood me, First Sword.

Penn:  Gwendolyn cocks an eyebrow.

Cameron (as Ruby):  Allow me to bring my partner. 

Cameron:  And Ruby does the smarmy rich people double clap up over his shoulder, and coming out of the shadows on one side of the arena comes Ruby's dueling partner.

Kit:  From behind Ruby, there appears to be a young-ish individual. There's a lot of things that are very unexpected about Ruby's duelist. Contrail Axedge is barely scraping five feet tall and is a thin and wiry individual, not someone that you'd expect to be put up in a duel against someone like Emma, who is a well-rounded fighter and has the physique to show for it. However, Contrail wears a very frightening grin on her face that just speaks to some sort of maniacal energy that just radiates off of her in waves. She wears a business casual outfit with a smart looking vest, proper trousers, loafers, and wears a little name badge that says 'Contrail, Secretary to Mr. Stone'. She is drinking in the energy of the crowd, waving and running a hand over a nearly fully shaven head with just a twinkling of blonde hair over her scalp, and she's like, 

Kit (as Contrail Axedge):  Hi, hi~! Hi, oh my gosh, hi! [unhinged giggle] Hello. So nice to meet everyone!

Penn:  Gwendolyn is visibly uncomfortable at the sight of Contrail, and as Ruby starts to introduce them, Gwendolyn is also mouthing 'Axedge'.

Nick (as Rye):  Mansfield, why won't you fight this battle yourself if you think you're so deserving?

Cameron (as Ruby):  Why should I fight myself if there is someone on my payroll, who rather enjoys these sorts of things. Honestly, Rye, I'm just being a good employer.

Nick (as Rye):  Of course, it would be irresponsible of you to fight your own battles.

Cameron (as Ruby):  I'm so glad you understand. Yes, anyway, First Sword, Contrail will be the primary duelist, and I will be serving as their second.

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  All right. [big exhale] Nice to see you again, Contrail.

Kit (as Contrail Axedge):  So nice to see you! Oh my gosh :D

Penn:  Gwendolyn's unease spreads a little bit, and she recenters herself. 

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  All right, let's start again. Rye, you'll be fighting. State your weapon.

Nick (as Rye):  Rapier.

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  Emma Blackwood, state your weapon.

Cameron (as Emma):  Greatsword?

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  Perfect. And Contrail Axedge - state your weapon.

Kit:  Contrail will pull her weapon from behind her back where she was sort of coyly dragging it, and they look a little sheepish, and they go, 

Kit (as Contrail Axedge):  Oh, yes, it's my turn. Um. I'll be using a morningstar. 

Nick (as Rye):  [quietly] Uh oh.

Penn:  Gwendolyn breathes out through tight lips. 

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  All right, with morningstar and Ruby Stone as your second with a short sword, correct?

Cameron:  Ruby waves the short sword that he's holding in his hand. 

Cameron (as Ruby):  Yes.

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  [quietly] I'm sure that'll get used today. [normal volume] Okay, now duelers -

Cameron:  Emma is giving Rye such a concerned look for the rapier versus morningstar matchup.

Penn:  Gwendolyn gives wide eyes to Rye and whispers, 

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  [whisper] I hope you know what you're doing.

Nick (as Rye):  [quietly] Yeah, me too.

Cameron (as Emma):  [quietly] Rye, are you sure you don't want to switch?

Nick (as Rye):  [quietly] I - no. I have to try this. It's important to me. I will try not to die, and if it doesn't go well, I can always, I guess, tag you in. We'll see how it goes.

Cameron (as Emma):  [quietly] Yeah uh try to, if you must take a hit on your rapier, try to take it near the base where it at least has some strength from the hilt.

Cameron:  And louder Emma says, 

Cameron (as Emma):  [normal volume] Point of order, First Sword.

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  Granted?

Cameron (as Emma):  Sorry. Being new to the Sasnak duel scene and not having had seconds in my previous duel, what is the practice for swapping the seconds in?

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  Of course. If at any point the main combatant is unable to continue, you switch out. Granted, they would like to continue the duel.

Cameron (as Emma):  Is the primary combatant able to self-identify that they are unable to continue the duel, or is it more a they are now unconscious or deceased, and now -?

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  Depends on how much money you have to back up that claim, but realistically, I mean, Rye's got some influence, I think he could.

Nick (as Rye):  I'll - I will surrender before anything gets fatal, Emma. Don't worry.

Cameron (as Emma):  Okay.

Nick (as Rye):  It's going to be challenging, but I think I think I have a chance here.

Cameron:  Emma tries to smile reassuringly. [laugh]

Penn:  Gwendolyn cringes and shakes her head to Emma.

Nick (as Rye):  Oh, wow, thanks.

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  No I -

Cameron (as Emma):  I~ -

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  No I - 

Cameron (as Emma):  I think you're gonna be great.

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  I have full confidence in your morals here. 

Penn:  Gwendolyn holds up her sword, and a dramatic music sting rings through the arena as the stadium lights begin to dim and spotlights start to swing around the arena, before focusing on the two duelers and Gwendolyn. A courier brings a microphone to Gwendolyn. 

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  [over speakers] Duelers, do you accept the laws of Sasnak and all the conflict resolution that combat entails? 

Penn:  And she holds out the microphone for both duelers to shout to. 

Nick (as Rye):  [over speakers] I do.

Cameron (as Emma):  [over speakers] I do.

Cameron (as Ruby):  [over speakers] [bored] I do. 

Kit (as Contrail Axedge):  [over speakers] [very not bored] Yes, absolutely.

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  [over speakers] Okay, on your marks.

Nick (as Rye):  Wish me luck, Emma. 

Cameron (as Emma):  Good luck.

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  [over speakers] Set.

Cameron (as Emma):  Be safe if possible.

Penn:  And she lowers her sword down as a heartbeat sting starts to ring through the arena. 

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  [over speakers] Duel!

Nick:  Rye draws his rapier and steps towards the middle of the arena, towards Contrail, and we gotta roll for Initiative. Rye is rolling two yellows and a green for Initiative, and Contrail is rolling one yellow and two greens. 

Cameron:  So for Rye's two yellows and a green, he's got two successes, an advantage, and a Triumph.

Kit:  For Contrail's yellow and two greens, she rolled a Triumph, two successes ,and an advantage. 

Nick:  Wow, they got the same roll? Well with the exact same Initiative roll, we're going to say that the advantage goes to Rye, and he goes first, and then we'll say that the Triumphs cancel each other out. So Rye dashes forward faster than Contrail is expecting, and goes for a quick disarm by slashing at Contrail's wrist. Can you roll me, Cameron, two yellows and two green versus two purple, please?

[dice rolling]

Cameron:  Six successes.

Nick:  Holy crap! So that's 12 damage, Pierce one. That's a huge hit. Pierce one, subtract three, that's nine - Contrail's down to five Wounds. So Rye does a massive hit and slashes up Contrail's arm quite deeply. He looks almost surprised at how successful this attack is, and leaps backward into a defensive pose as Contrail gains the initiative.

Kit:  Contrail was clearly not expecting this, given how worried everyone was about Rye. She stumbles back a little bit and goes, 

Kit (as Contrail Axedge):  [said on shuddering exhale] Ahhh! That really smarts. 

Kit:  She looks a little frustrated with herself that this is not going off as well as she thought that it was going to go and is going to use basically all of the momentum she can get with her smaller frame, and she'll kick up one of her legs to get even more momentum when she steps down and swings the mace one handed at Rye full brute force [laugh] towards his ribs.

Nick:  So that'll be three yellow and a green and one black versus two purple, because I have Defensive one.

Kit:  [so excited but so concerned he's gonna die] Two Triumphs, two successes, and an advantage.

Nick:  Oh, that's not too bad. So that's nine, so that is five damage when we factor in Rye's Soak, but that would be a Crit against Rye with Vicious one. It'll be plus 10.

[dice rolling]

Cameron:  So that is a 44, plus 10, is a 54 which is Fearsome Wound: The target increases the difficulty of all Presence and Willpower checks by one until this Critical Injury is healed.

Kit:  I think, because she makes no attempt to hide her movement, Rye is able to duck out of the way just a hair, so that he's not completely smashed in the ribs with a giant metal spiky ball. And the mace's edges take a hard scrape against Rye's tricep as he moves to almost fall back out of the way, and luckily saves most of his ribs from being broken, and instead will walk away with a little bit of a nasty flesh wound. The mace does sink into the ground next to Rye's foot, and Rye can hear her say, 

Kit (as Contrail Axedge):  Gosh, I wish they'd just hold still a little longer.

Nick (as Rye):  That's sort of the idea.

Nick:  As Rye lunges again. And we're going to cut away from this fight for a minute and check up on Marathon in the Guts. What is Marathon up to?

Penn:  Currently Marathon is completely covered from the shoulders down in some sort of octopus slime and is hanging upside down from the ceiling in a thick glob as five or six orphans with their little caps and uniforms jump up and swat at her, trying to help get her down. 

Penn (as Marathon):  [freaking out] Please, please, I think it's coming back. I can't take this one.

Nick (as Ollie/Oliver):  Marathon. How'd you get -

Penn (as Marathon):  I can't get out of it!

Nick (as Ollie/Oliver):  How'd you get yourself in this situation?

Penn (as Marathon):  I don't know it was a giant octopus! Get me down, Oliver.

Kit (as Twisty):  Bubbles is gonna be fine. He's just hungry. 

Cameron (as Jem):  You're lucky he didn't eat you. 

Kit (as Twisty):  [laugh] Yeah.

Penn (as Marathon):  He's gonna eat me~! Did you see the beak?

Kit (as Twisty):  Yeah~.

Penn (as Marathon):  Somebody get me down from here. Get a ladder or stack, stack your little orphan shoulders up top of each other. 

Sydney (as Orphan):  You're so big he'd have to be -

Penn (as Marathon):  Sorry - stack your little -

Sydney (as Orphan):  - chewing on you for like hours to eat you all.

Penn (as Marathon):  Oh, that doesn't make me feel better.

Nick (as Ollie/Oliver):  I'll go find a stick.

Kit (as Twisty):  Yeah come on.

Penn (as Marathon):  Okay. Thank you.

Kit (as Twisty):  Yeah if we start beating her, maybe she'll come down.

Nick (as Ollie/Oliver):  Exactly.

Cameron (as Jem):  Miss Marathon, do you think it'd be helpful if I threw this at you?

Cameron:  And a small child holds up a really large pipe that you don't think they should be able to lift from their size.

Penn (as Marathon):  Uh~. If you can throw that, just don't hit my head.

Kit (as Twisty):  Can I sing you a song?

Penn (as Marathon):  Yes. Yes, Twisty. Sing me a song. 

Penn:  And more slime drips down her face.

Kit:  Twisty bursts into a rendition of She'll Be Coming Around the Mountain When She Comes.

Penn (as Marathon):  Thank you. Just as good the fifth time. Perfect. No, I love the harmony.

Nick:  The pipe is hurled at Marathon and just sticks with a splotch into the mucus sack that Marathon is stuck in, and just stays there, having done nothing. As we see the orphan that went to go get a stick come back with a seven foot long pole, and start waving it menacingly towards Marathon, like they're going to try to knock her down.

Penn (as Marathon):  Okay, just keep it away from my face. I said, my face, okay!?

Sydney (as Orphan):  Well, how're you gonna grab it if we all get it close?

Penn (as Marathon):  I can't grab anything right now.

Nick (as Ollie/Oliver):  Well, whose fault is that, Marathon? 

Nick:  And there's a splashing sound as the stick starts to poke at Marathon and thwack around.

Penn (as Marathon):  Oh uh. You're lucky I can't feel any of this right now. Oh -ooh!

Penn:  A little snapping sound happens above her as she gets pushed and she falls head first onto the ground. 

Penn:  [wind knocked out of her] 

Cameron (as Jem):  Oh good job it worked!

Kit (as Twisty):  Yay~!

Penn (as Marathon):  Ugh. 

Cameron (as Jem):  Yay~!

Penn (as Marathon):  Where - ? Oh no, I'm still here. Oh god. Oh god.

Nick:  And from down the hallway we hear disgusting octopus noises, as though a large cephalopod is making its way down a hallway.

Cameron (as Jem):  [overlapping] Oh no! Marathon come on!

Penn (as Marathon):  [overlapping] Oh dirt dirt dirt dirt dirt. Get me out of here! Get me out of here!

Cameron (as Jem):  Follow us, follow us!

Penn (as Marathon):  [yelling] I can't follow yet!

Nick (as Ollie/Oliver):  Leave her! Leave her!

Penn (as Marathon):  [frantic yelling] Pull me out of the goop! 

Kit (as Twisty):  [overlapping] If her legs are gone we're leaving her.

Cameron (as Jem):  [overlapping] Oh right! Sorry, sorry! I'll get her.

Penn (as Marathon):  Thanks~!

Cameron:  This child starts ripping away at the goop surrounding Marathon.

Penn:  Just enough goop comes off of her legs that she's able to get up onto her knees and starts running with her shoulders still glued to her. 

Penn (as Marathon):  Oh god, oh god, oh god. Bubbles, please don't, please don't. [yells] Twisty, get over here.

Nick (as Ollie/Oliver):  No fair. 

Penn (as Marathon):  Stop singing!

Nick (as Ollie/Oliver):  Now I owe a triangle. We thought you wouldn't make it out.

Penn (as Marathon):  Hey, you still got the rest of the shift.

Sydney (as Orphan):  But you're not gonna get a triangle for like three more months of work.

Penn (as Marathon):  Oh my god, they never pay you?

Nick (as Ollie/Oliver):  I'm a big spender.

Cameron (as Jem):  This is why you shouldn't bet against me.

Penn (as Marathon):  Hey, I think I have some triangles y'all can have, if you help me - if we get out of here.

Kit (as Twisty):  Oh, fuck yeah! 

Cameron (as Jem):  Really?

Nick (as Ollie/Oliver):  I am susceptible to bribery.

Cameron (as Jem):  I will help you, citizen. Please this way.

Penn (as Marathon):  Thanks.

Nick:  And we see Marathon and her contingent of Drain Boys shuffle down and scurry down a hallway away from a giant octopus as it roars its disapproval as they flee its territory. From there we jump back to the arena and up into the stands where Winifred and Birdie are watching the ongoing fight. You all see Contrail and Rye circling each other, having exchanged blows, and both hurt each other quite badly in their first exchange, as they size each other up for the next clash.

Sydney (as Winifred):  He's doing a lot better than I thought he would.

Kit:  Birdie is cramming kettle corn into her mouth. 

Kit (as Birdie):  Uh, huh. [mumbles that are surely words behind the kettle corn] Mm. 

Sydney (as Winifred):  Are you worried it's gonna end so fast you can't eat your popcorn?

Kit (as Birdie):  [swallow] Sorry. I said 'no he's doing good'. They're kind of hot.

Sydney (as Winifred):  Yeah, I suppose - if you don't mind the slasher smile.

Sydney:  And Winifred takes a very large bite out of a hot dog.

Kit (as Birdie):  [considering] Mm. Yeah.

Sydney (as Winifred):  Admittedly I, I found these more fun before I'd been in combat a week ago, two weeks ago.

Kit (as Birdie):  Yeah, I guess when the rich people aren't the ones fighting, they gotta get their rocks off somehow, right?

Sydney (as Winifred):  Well, I hope Rye wins.

Kit (as Birdie):  Yeah.

Sydney (as Winifred):  Might be a welcome change for the city.

Kit (as Birdie):  Yeah, that'd be great.

Sydney (as Winifred):  A lot of people here, I don't, I think, are just here for blood.

Kit (as Birdie):  Oh yeah, probably.

Sydney:  Winifred looks around and everyone is just banging on their knees and clapping and cheering. This one is a little bit more evenly matched than some that approach a ritual execution, but the people tend to like some sport with their city living.

Kit:  There are several people amongst the crowd that do have cardboard cut out faces of Contrail, and so it's obvious that this is a recurring event that Mansfield will sick Contrail onto people, and that she's created some sort of cult fan base from this, and Birdie will just shrug and go,

Kit (as Birdie):  Well, you know, you'd think that they'd kind of be like satisfied with the extreme biking and people like dying during that and stuff, but I guess nothing really does like a good blood sport.

Sydney:  And Winifred shakes her head.

Sydney (as Winifred):  Yeah. Oh well.

Kit (as Birdie):  Yeah. I hope Emma doesn't have to fight her.

Sydney:  And Winifred eats the other half of her hot dog.

Cameron:  You see Emma standing down by the track, just very closely watching this fight, and she looks like she very much has put me in coach. So, contrary to your wish that she not get in the fight, mmm she's kind of spoiling for one at this point. Ruby probably has a nail file out and is filing his nails.

Nick:  And we cut back to the center of the arena, where Rye and Contrail are prepared to fight again. So Rye has his free arm wrapped around his side where he took the blow, trying to keep himself in one piece, and prepares to attack Contrail again. Two yellows and two green versus two purples, please.

[dice rolling]

Cameron:  Only two successes.

Nick:  Okay, that is eight total minus four is four - that knocks her down to one. So Rye lunges forward and manages to pierce through Contrail's shoulder with his rapier before very cleanly whipping his blade free. He hits something important and she is not able to move her arm in the same way anymore, and they are clearly in a lot of pain, but they don't go down completely. Rye says, 

Nick (as Rye):  Now would be a great time for you to give up before things get ugly.

Kit (as Contrail Axedge):  [bit breathless] It's too bad I really want to fight your friend instead of you.  

Kit:  And with the blood gushing out of this new puncture wound in their shoulder, Contrail lifts up their hand and just takes a really wide-tongued lick up the palm of their hand.

Nick:  Rye's mouth falls open a little, and he's like, 

Nick (as Rye):  [flustered? disgusted? both?] Oh my.

Kit:  And Contrail is going to load up, basically a very similar attack, because especially with one arm down, she's just not in the right physical space to be able to do any sort of double handed hit with this mace, and will wind back to put as much of her body weight into trying to hit Rye with her mace as possible. Is it the same roll?

Nick:  Yep, same roll, unless you want to flip a story point for the GM.

Kit:  Yes.

Nick:  So you'll be rolling four yellows versus a black and two purple.

Kit:  What does five successes get me, GM? [laugh]

Nick:  Gee whiz. Five plus three plus four is twelve, minus four is eight. Oh, he is in almost as bad of shape. He has one wound left.

Kit:  Contrail will - her aim is a little off as she comes up to try to knock the sword out of Rye's hand as well as hopefully do some damage to his arm, and Rye is actually a little closer than what she thinks, and so her hit actually goes directly into the side of his knee, the outside of his knee. There is just a really awful crunch of something getting real fucked up in there. She smiles so wide as she watches her mace get bloodied by the damage she's done to Rye's leg.

Nick (as Rye):  Oh fuck!

Kit (as Contrail Axedge):  Let me win, let me win, let me win.

Nick (as Rye):  You let me win!

Nick:  Rye is balancing with all of his weight on his non-injured leg, but is wavering intensely. He is barely conscious.

Kit:  She will stumble back a little bit as well. They're both really terribly injured, and she's 

Kit (as Contrail Axedge):  No, you hang up. [laugh]

Penn:  Gwendolyn winces from behind and looks to Emma and Ruby, putting her sword on her back and getting ready to call them in.

Nick:  And we cut away from the duel to find Cassidy, and where she has been spending her time since the excitement has died down after the battle.

Sydney:  Cassidy's been doing the math on their remaining savings now that they're not actively employed, and the rate of expenditures in this very expensive city, and doing some looking to the future of knowing approximately where Sasnak is, and where they'd be getting off if they left in a couple of weeks, the type of money that they need to have to get the occasional lodging and the regular food and other supplies. She comes to the unfortunate conclusion that they will need a little bit more to be as comfortable as she prefers, and decided that the maximum money per time job that she can take is rolling back up to the marketing groups for whom she had done the recordings for Opal's housing projects prior to the X Bike races. So we see her sitting in a recording booth looking progressively more unhappy, although it mostly doesn't come through in her voice, as she's signed up to read several blocks of ads and put the weight of being on the winning X Bike team behind now a member of the Patina who won a medal in the Battle of Sasnak. Her brand is strong, but her patience wanes.

Penn (as Producer):  Shard, baby, give me some more confidence. I want you to say it like, like those little, those little deaf little guys in the Guts can hear you. We want them to spend every last triangle! Come on. Every last angle.

Sydney (as Cassidy):  [upbeat scary Cassidy] Come on over to the Aquarium Dome. It's the home to all your favorite fishy friends and everything else out of this world. [drop to normal voice] Why would it - shouldn't it -the fish are in the world, they're just not on Sasnak. Why is that the line?

Penn (as Producer):  Cut it, cut it! Okay, you almost had it there, Cass. I loved that energy. I love that energy, Shard. Uh, sorry, I know you said not to call you Cass. 

Sydney (as Cassidy):  Is this really the best? Like, what - everyone knows with the Aquarium Dome is, whose mind is this changing? Is it? Are you just trying to, like, remind people who have disposable income that they should come use the aquarium?

Penn (as Producer):  Uh, yeah, don't you know how this works? They gotta know what to spend their money on, you know? 

Sydney (as Cassidy):  [scoff] Rent... 

Penn (as Producer):  We give that to 'em. What are those kids gonna spend money on? Sandwiches? I don't know. Marcus feeds them. Those people in the Domes, they need, they need somewhere to spend their money, and you know, we're just offering it. You, you had a great chipper voice. I loved that. Can you take it again? Just one more time? One more time.

Cameron (as Justine Assistant Producer):  Boss I don't think she's quite understanding, like the goal, like it -

Penn (as Producer):  Yeah.

Cameron (as Justine Assistant Producer):  - we're marketing -

Penn (as Marathon):  Give it to her, Justine. 

Cameron (as Justine Assistant Producer):  So you're marketing to the children, so that they convince their parents to take them back to the Aquarium Dome.

Penn (as Producer):  Exactly.

Cameron (as Justine Assistant Producer):  Because children have very short memory spans, so you gotta remind them frequently, then an aquarium exists, so that they get excited about it again, and then their parents have to pay to take them again, thus making more money for the fish friends.

Penn (as Producer):  We're competing with the Johnny Bike's dolls right now, okay?

Cameron (as Justine Assistant Producer):  And we're losing.

Penn (as Producer):  We gotta get 'em to spend their money on this.

Sydney (as Cassidy):  [sigh] Okay.

Penn (as Producer):  I mean, doesn't matter that we also run that commercial, but this is the one we want right now.

Sydney (as Cassidy):  Well, you've run the other one when the other audience is listening, I'm sure. Have you ever tried selling like anti Johnny Bikes merch?

Penn (as Zan):  [to Justine] Oh my god - Carbon would never be like this.

Cameron (as Justine Assistant Producer):  He's just so authentic.

Penn (as Producer):  He was. [fond memories] God.

Cameron (as Justine Assistant Producer):  It was touching, really.

Penn (as Producer):  Kids loved him.

Sydney (as Cassidy):  [false cheer] Come on down to the Aquarium Dome. Remember the last time you saw a world outside of your own and be washed away to a new [hiss of forgotten line]... location.

Penn (as Producer):  Cut!

Cameron (as Justine Assistant Producer):  Shore.

Penn (as Producer):  What's the line?

Cameron (as Justine Assistant Producer):  New shore.

Sydney (as Cassidy):  Washed away to new shores. [normal voice] There you go. How's that?

Cameron (as Justine Assistant Producer):  I -

Penn (as Producer):  Justine, can you get that in post?

Cameron (as Justine Assistant Producer):  Yeah, yeah, we can, we can, we can fix that. I think I think all we have left, boss, is just the kids get in free on Thursdays with purchases of four adult tickets. I think that's it.

Penn (as Producer):  Oh, perfect. Okay. Yes, yes. Shard, can you add that in? Here's the cue card.

Sydney (as Cassidy):  You said Thursdays?

Cameron (as Justine Assistant Producer):  Thursdays, yeah.  [overlapping additional info]

Sydney (as Cassidy):  [overlapping] Kids get in free on Thursday - Oh.

Cameron (as Justine Assistant Producer):  Yeah.

Penn (as Producer):  Yep. Yep, you're doing great.

Cameron (as Justine Assistant Producer):  Sorry, go ahead.

Sydney:  And Cassidy takes a deep breath. 

Sydney (as Cassidy):  Kids get in free on Thursdays, -

Penn (as Producer):  [interrupting] Oh I forgot. Do we want her to like, be holding something, like -

Sydney (as Cassidy):  Okay. 

Penn (as Producer):  - bubbly -

Sydney (as Cassidy):  You get one more chance, -

Penn (as Producer):  I'm sorry no - 

Sydney (as Cassidy):  - and I'm going to -

Penn (as Producer):  Try it again. Try it again.

Sydney (as Cassidy):  - your competitor, and they're gonna pay me twice as much to advertise the Park Dome.

Penn (as Producer):  Woah woah woah. Wait, whose thoughts do we want here? We just want the voice. We just want the voice. You got this. Let's go, baby.

Sydney (as Cassidy):  Kids get in on Thursdays with only the purchase of four adult tickets.

Penn (as Producer):  Oh, thank you. I've been waiting for that sandwich. God, oh, I'm hungry. Sorry, we didn't get, [apologetic sigh] sorry. Cass, could we get that one more time? Justine, could you reset it?

Nick:  We leave Cassidy in her own personal hell to cut back to the arena to where Rye and Contrail are both barely standing, bleeding, injured, and the crowd has surged to their feet, cheering, while they are both barely conscious, they continue to fight. Rye seizes the opportunity to attempt to finish Contrail off before he collapses from the pain, and rather than the picturesque lunges that he's been doing so far, since he really only has one functioning leg, swings the rapier overhand in a hammer grip, attempting just to surprise them and knock them off their feet with just pure force. And go ahead and roll, Cameron.

[dice rolling]

Cameron:  That is a singular success.

Nick:  Well, okay. So Rye does four damage, which knocks Contrail down below zero Wounds.

Kit:  Contrail actually has Indomitable, so she'll stay up.

Nick:  Oh, great, yeah, that makes sense. So it's Contrail's turn, she is at negative Wounds, but is able to stay conscious for the rest of the round.

Kit:  Contrail is rolling three yellows, one green, two purples, and one black. Two successes and two threats.

Nick:  Yeah, that is enough to knock Rye down past zero wounds, so he is knocked unconscious, but that also ends combat, so Contrail follows him right afterwards.

Kit:  Contrail is still holding her shoulder, and after basically just using her mace to disarm Rye and knocking the sharp points of her weapon into Rye's arms and hands, in the process she just goes, 

Kit (as Contrail Axedge):  Oh, this sucks so bad~. [whimper]

Nick:  The two threats on that roll will go towards Ruby is absolutely not paying attention. He is very absorbed in his nails and his self-assurance that he's going to win, and as the round ends, Contrail also falls unconscious right next to Rye as they both collapse to gasps from the arena.

Penn:  And Gwendolyn, whose eyes have been widening in anticipation, her gauntlets shaking, snaps both of her gauntlets, signaling at both Ruby and Emma that they are now in.

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  Seconds!

Cameron:  As soon as Rye's good knee hit the ground, indicating he was truly going down, Emma's head had whipped around to watch Gwen, just knowing that she was gonna get the go-ahead to go in soon. And as soon as Gwen calls out for the seconds, she takes her great sword from where she's been leaning on it a little bit and starts stalking across the dueling circle towards Ruby, not quite dragging the sword behind her, but almost, just very menacingly.

Nick:  And Emma gets to go first if she wants to make a roll.

Cameron:  As she nears the middle of the dueling area, as Ruby is still not acknowledging that it is now his time to step in to the arena, and Emma's not just gonna hit somebody with a sword who isn't paying any attention [laugh] just because she has morals and is kind of a good person, and Emma calls out to him, 

Cameron (as Emma):  Hey, Mandolin!

Cameron:  And while this is not normally a, we'll call it a name, that Ruby slash Mansfield would normally respond to, it has been fairly quiet with the talking between Contrail and Rye, and even just the starting syllable of his name getting yelled out causes him to fumble the nail file and drop it. And he kind of does the startled both hands up in front of his chest gasp thing, and just sees Emma coming towards him in a very slow and confident manner. Looks very concerned as he glances to the side and sees that both the other people are down, which probably hasn't happened before. Contrail's got it - he doesn't normally have to worry about this at all, so this is a very weird news situation for him. And looks back at Emma wide eyed of actually having to participate in this duel, and then tries to unsheathe his sword from its scabbard and struggles with it comedically - just having a rough time getting his sword out, but once he finally manages to unsheathe his sword, undoing his scabbard belt in the process, stands there holding the sword in both hands in front of him and takes a step into the ring, so that he is officially now up as the duelist. And then when Emma makes it to where she is within her sword reach, she is going to use the flat of the blade to just try to blunt force trauma this guy's chest in a baseball swing, and I am going to flip a Story Point, because I'm good at baseball and he's a pathetic little man. I'm also taking a blue die for Quick Strike, because he has not yet gone this encounter. That will, for this Melee check, put me at rolling three yellows, a green, a blue, and two purples, unless - do short swords also give Defense? 

Nick:  I would say he's stumbling trying to draw it anyway. So,

Cameron:  Okay, so not good enough. [laugh]

[dice rolling]

Cameron:  Three successes and a Triumph.

Nick:  Okay, how much total damage is that?

Cameron:  So there's the three, plus my three Brawn, plus four for my sword, so that's 10. It is Pierce one.

Nick:  It doesn't quite knock him out. Nine Wounds, he is really not doing well.

Cameron:  I want to Crit. I want to make this man's life hard.

Nick:  Okay, roll that Crit.

Cameron:  And then I want to make him look bad when he tries to hit me. So 

[dice rolling]

Cameron:  69 - nice.

Nick:  Nice.

Cameron:  That is Scattered Senses: the target removes all blue die from skill checks until this Critical Injury is healed. So, I think how that manifests is the training that Ruby has gotten has probably been just in very traditional, heavily regulated fencing, and he is in no way expecting this baseball swing with the flat of a great sword to be what is coming at him, so not only does it hit very hard and hurt a whole hell of a lot, he's also flabbergasted at what just occurred. 

Nick:  The entire arena hears the wind knocked out of Ruby's lungs as the sword makes a connection, and he folds in half, holding onto his chest. The short sword is loosely held in one hand, almost dropped, as he struggles to straighten back up and swing at Emma.

Cameron:  Emma has three Melee Defense, so that's three black dice, and then I'm going to suffer two Strain to use Dodge to upgrade the difficulty of the combat check targeting me.

Nick:  Okay, so he's rolling two yellow and one green versus three black and two red.

[dice rolling]

Cameron:  That is only three failures.

Nick:  Okay.

Cameron:  So Ruby, while loosely holding his short sword in his right hand and clutching at his ribs with his left arm staggers back up to an almost upright standing position and glares at Emma, who is standing there looking very nonchalant about being in a duel right now, because of who she's fighting. He raises the sword up into the air dramatically and yells, 

Cameron (as Ruby):  Have at ye!

Cameron:  And then stumbles forward with a swing, and I think just completely misses Emma - like the swing is in front of her. Because in his kind of rattled state, he does not take into account that she just hit him with a great sword and he has a short sword, so she is not close enough to him for him to hit her, unless he moves forward substantially. And the momentum of his swing continues to carry him a bit farther into the circle, as well as he trips over his feet a bit after surprisingly not making contact.

Nick:  And Emma's up again.

Cameron:  As he stumbles to the side of Emma, I would like to use once again the flat of the blade, as I'm not super into the whole murder thing, as he stumbles past, swing it back around to just very heavily thwack him, not quite on the butt, but like tailbone area, so very base of the spine right before you would hit butt padding, to just kind of assist him in continuing to fall forward and hopefully not get back up. So I am going to flip another Story Point, just because this man is pathetic to grant myself a green die, so I'm rolling three yellows and a green against two purples.

[dice rolling]

Cameron:  Five successes and one threat, so 12 damage - Pierce one.

Nick:  Yeah, you definitely knocked this guy out. Almost double his total Wounds.

Cameron:  Emma very calmly makes this hit to tumble Ruby forward onto the ground, where he does not move to get up again. And after doing a quick look over her shoulder to ensure that he did indeed just face plant into the ground, she will shift her hold on her sword to no longer be in a fighting stance, and more just be carrying it, and will quickly jog over to where Rye is laying on the ground bleeding, and will start putting pressure on wounds.

Penn:  Gwendolyn has had her sword off of her back as she's watched Ruby slash Mansfield stumble about and lifts it up above her head and claps on it with one of her gauntleted hands before grabbing the microphone once again off of her hip 

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  [over speakers] And the winner of this duel, Rye Stone. Congratulations to Rye, who will be now taking on all of the responsibilities, contracts, and holdings of Opal Corp. We hope you do well with those assets.

Nick:  As Gwendolyn looks down at Rye, who is unconscious and being seen by Emma, there is a squad of Patches that come out of the stands to see to medically attending all of the duelists, so they can have as quick a recovery as possible.

Penn:  Gwendolyn steps over to Emma, stepping over Rye's unconscious body before it's lifted up on a stretcher, and holds out an arm like she's ready to make a big muscly handshake. 

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  Nice job, Blackwood. Guess the Patina is in pretty good hands.

Cameron:  Emma uses her sword to help push her up off the ground, and she gives a hearty handshake to Gwendolyn, and says, 

Cameron (as Emma):  I honestly appreciate hearing that.

Penn:  Gwendolyn takes this opportunity to lift up Emma's arm and points at her with her other gauntlet. 

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  [over speakers] Our champion Emma Blackwood, everyone!

Nick:  And the crowd goes wild. They were in a stunned silence at how quickly Emma ended the fight and how masterfully she was in control, but under Gwen's prompting, they cheer, and Emma, you can feel the energy from the crowd flowing over you.

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  Okay, we gotta get out of here before they send out the giant crab and octopus to fight. So

Cameron (as Emma):  I'm sorry, what?

Penn (as Gwendolyn):  Let's go. Let's go.

Cameron:  Emma is being dragged by Gwen slightly as she continues to question what statement was just made, and wh-what?

Nick:  And as we leave Emma to her victory in the arena, we cut back to Marathon.

Penn:  The slow, steady drip of the Guts is the only sound as we see Marathon's very frowning face with flared nose, and we zoom out and see one orphan on each shoulder as she's carrying them, and we zoom out one more time and see that she is up to her chest in sewage sludge, carrying them over a pit. 

Penn (as Marathon):  This is never gonna wash out, is it?

Cameron (as Jem):  No.

Sydney (as Orphan):  No.

Nick (as Ollie/Oliver):  You get used to it.

Kit (as Twisty):  Thank you for carrying us. [through clenched teeth] Everybody say thank you -oh my gosh.

Orphans in Unison:  Thank you~. 

Penn (as Marathon):  I just don't want you to drown. Just give me another Coming Around the Mountain.

Kit (as Twisty):  [huge breath in] She'll be -

Nick:  And Marathon, carrying these orphans, wades deeper into the Guts as she serves out her community service sentence with the Drain Boys.

[hurdy gurdy music swells]

Outro:

Penn (as Marathon):  Welcome back folks, you’re tuned to Going the Distance: Traveler’s Guide on road dial 1558. That’s a wrap on today’s log and we’re set to loop after these considerations. Further detail for the following is cataloged in the show notes.

This has been A Knight of Shreds and Patches, an actual play podcast using the Genesys game system from Fantasy Flight Games. The show is edited by Sydney Whittington, and features the talents of:

Kit Adames as Birdie. Kit can be found on Twitter and Instagram @ venusvultures. Kit is also a voice actor for Elevator Pitch Podcast, a queer genre-hopping anthology podcast that can be accessed on Spotify and YouTube.

Penn Van Batavia as Marathon. She can be found on Twitter @ acquiredchaste and in drag as horror king JOHN on Instagram @ john.is.risen. Penn is an indie TTRPG designer whose most recent work includes SLICE IT OUT, a grisly carving RPG about cutting pieces of yourself out to fit in. Check out faer other work at pennharper.itch.io. 

Sydney Whittington as Cassidy. Sydney can be found on our Discord server, which is linked in the show notes, and on Twitter @ sydney_whitt. She’s also a contributing editor and occasional guest player for the Orpheus Protocol, a cosmic horror espionage actual play podcast.

Cameron Robertson as Emma. Cameron can be found on Twitter @ midnightmusic13 and on Instagram @ reading_and_dreaming. Cameron is also a player on Tabletop Squadron, a Star Wars Edge of the Empire actual play podcast.

And Nick Robertson as narrator. Nick can be found on Twitter @ alias58. Nick is also the GM for Tabletop Squadron. Nick can also be found as a player on the Orpheus Protocol.

This podcast features the musical talents of Dora Violet and Arne Parrott. You can find Dora at facebook.com/doraviolett. You can find Arne at atptunes.com.

The official artwork for this podcast was created by Rashed AlAkroka, who can be found on  Instagram and Artstation @ rashedjrs.

You can follow the Patina on Twitter @ akosap_podcast or visit the website: www.akosap.com. To further support the show, consider joining the Patreon at www.patreon.com/AKoSaP, where we’ll be bringing you weekly content including bonus episodes, campfire conversations, and other fun rewards.

Until you tune back…

…stay bold and stay kind